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I’m in a Rhinelander motel right now, watching super bowl highlights and drinking continental breakfast coffee. We’ll be in the UP for the week with my family; net access will be sketchy so I hope y’all have a ball.

My thoughts on the SB: love that the saints won and thought calls like the onside kick and 4th-and-1 at the goalline were awesome calls you don’t see often in the super bowl. We listened to the first half on Chicago AM radio and watched the second half at Bucketheads bar in delightful uptown Rhinelander, which was fun as shit.

Get along little doggies.

Thank You For Being A Friend

You’d have to think that this is a joke.  A bunch of jokesters got together and joked it up until they decided to make a fake website and put their joke out there for all the world to see.  It may be a joke! I don’t think it’s a joke. Ladies and gentlefops… The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals

So much good stuff in there.  Like:

The most unexpected segment of this show’s fanbase was America’s young men. In the 80s, these were boys too delicate for sports, too awkward for girls, too “artistic” for labor-intensive work and too flamboyant for peer acceptance in high school. With no real adults in sight, these poor children became obsessed with the poorly conceived characters on this show. Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.

Or how’s about:

Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn’t mind each other’s theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility– the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of “camp.”

All links and bolding are in the original.

Erm, I grew up in the 80s. I watched Golden Girls from time to time.  I never went to any cheesecake gay parties to watch it, though.  Sometimes I get to thinking about what would make some nut write an article like this.  I will still allow that it’s one enormous joke, but if it’s not then I believe this is simply a personal experience retold.  I mean, in the fantastical reaches of my perverted mind I couldn’t conceive of a party where a dozen “teens and twentysomethings” watched golden girls, partied hard to cheesecake and gabfests, and then had an orgy.

This is Daily Cardinal-level stupidity (speaking of which, we never heard back from Kay Van Pay!)  This is an outrage! Or it could still be the greatest joke ever played on a christian news site!  Not sure!

Secretssssss

I re-updated the blogroll (on the right sidebar).  Wwhazz alerted me to the fact that he found it helpful to have prominent links to The People’s Champ, Arlo’s Bloggity Bloggity BlogBlog, and others.

Additionally, our old pal Big Al opened a new web site at http://blog.mlbsecrets.com that has up-to-date info on all the latest baseball rumors.  Example: yesterday I looked and found out that Ben “Fucking” Sheets worked out for ten (10!) interested teams the other day.  I assume that he will sign for a hojillion dollars somewhere and then NOT get injured, thereby completing his unusefulness to the Milwaukee Brewers.  It seems like it’s a good time to leave a Wisconsin professional sports team and then get fantastically good again.

Wwhazz’s birthday was this week, as was madddddddd’s, as was manders’.  As is alandovos.  Basically everyone I know: Happy Birthday.  Wwhazz and bellygirl went out to dinner and snapped a picture of the all-time best bar special ever. Ever.  I hope they don’t mind me reproducing it here:

The Best Bar Special Ever

A Short Treatise on Football Players and Comedians

Jay Leno == Brett Favre

They’re both old fucks who don’t know when to give it up.  The End.

WIZP

And now for my semi-random feature: what is Zach playing. Once again my games plate is overflowing. I’m switching back and forth quite a bit…

1. Jay got me a copy of Darksiders for xmas– I think I’ve gotten too used to carebear tutorials in new games because the first stage of this game kicked my goddamn shit.  The story, graphics, and everything else are awesome, but I’m still wary of games that have so many actions that important ones (that I need to use to survive) are mapped to things like: Use left control stick towards enemy and right bumper while pressing X.  All that means is that when I need to do something important my dude spazzes out while I try to figure out the button combos.  Then he usually dies.  I’ll report back more when I’ve played it.
2. After much, much prodding and watching Jay play it a million times I started to try to play League of Legends.  It’s like eleventy dimensional chess; 5v5 fights on a (deceivingly) simple map where you choose from one of 40 champions or so.  All of them have different abilities, all of them work differently in different team-ups/match-ups, and as with any competitive internet game is filled with arrogant douchebags.This a video where someone explains how to control spacing fer christs sake.

3. Patch 3.3 of World of Warcraft dropped in early December when I was in California.  They added a mechanic for doing cross-server grouping for dungeons that is real easy.  Match that with the fact that they buffed those dungeons to have awesome rewards and I’ve been running at least one a day.
4. Playing a lot of Defender Chronicles on my iPhone when I’m just siting around.   Awesome game.
5. I got to the very end of Dragon Age: Origins but didn’t finish it; I just petered out in the last dungeon for whatever reason.  Maybe I’ll finish at some point.
6. Almost forgot! Steam was having a sale after Xmas and I was able to get Torchlight for $4.99, which is just a Saint Vinnies bargain for what you get.  A really cool simple dungeon crawl game.

Lots of deadlines at work this week, and wwhazz/belly are going to be on vacation.  Cal’s new year enthusiasm will have to carry us through on its own.

Also, for those that read down this far on my posts: wiki.whazzmaster.com

Thank You Jay

This is really good. You should watch it. Happy New Year. Also, I’m a-cookin’ a-somethin’ up. I’m just waiting on some tech support issues to be resolved.

My Saturday

Today I spent an hour at Garys Hobby Center and then ate a sub from Lee’s Deli. All in all a great experience!

The Door’s Almost Shut

We’re approaching zero hour on 2009 and I couldn’t shrug my shoulders harder if I goddamn tried.  Work is busy and I’m attempting to purchase trinkets for everyone I know by next week.  Me and spacebee and belly and wwhazz ate at Pedros-Pedros-may-keen-mayx-ee-can the other night after a night of shopping.  It was a grand ol’ time, especially that deep-fried Snickers bar for dessert.

Not much goings-on elsewhere so I’d like to frankly discuss the 1964 classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Thusly: it’s not entirely clear to me just what drugs the creators were using, but I salute them and their efforts.  In a story ostensibly about the titular reindeer the spotlight instead falls upon (a) an elf desperately seeking a career in dentistry and (b) a north woodsman with a revolver hanging from his belt that clearly has mental problems.  It seems to me that the writers wanted to craft a different story entirely but were forced by the General Electric corporation to adapt their lunacy into a framework descended primarily from a one minute Christmas tune.  I don’t know whether the coercion took the form of ducats or whippings– the result is the same.  Also: everyone really hated that fucking Rudolph.  They just shit on him and shit on him until he saved the goddamn day.  He should have pooped in Santa’s mouth.

For those not on the spacebook, my concise review of How the Grinch Stole Christmas:

Zachery Moneypenny feels that the grinch was right to hate those whos- did you see the lunatic instruments they endlessly played?! How bout this: I’ll buy your downstairs neighbor a musical abomination consisting of a bowling ball, a huge metal pipe, and CHIMES and we’ll see if a steampunk xray machine detects any heart shrinkage on YOU.

I have nothing else to say about that shit.  Let’s all get together some Thursday night and watch star trek dvds.  I have one season on dvd (five, I think?) and can provide whiskey.

Everyone else out there: HAVE A GODDAMNED MERRY XMAS!

SNOW!!!1!WATCHOUT

Yo ho hello there go to San Ho and do a show there.  I picked an excellent week to fly hither and yon around the country as Wisconsin is currently experiencing some heavy snowfall and all-around miserable weather.  I’m sitting high and mighty in the comforts of the Palo Alto Crowne Plaza, sipping Crown & Cokes and watching Sportscenter on the ridiculously lavish 25″ old-timey, non-flatscreen tee vee. I feel BAD for my betrothed; she’s shivering in the cold while I’m chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool.

Madd:  Saturday? I haven’t heard from you yet.  We could galavant into San Francisco and take Cal hostage on the N-Judah.  Stick your finger in his back and whisper menacingly “I’ve got a knife” and then march him down to McTeague’s Steam Beer Saloon and fill him full of spirits.  Flossie can come too.

Old Posts, New Friends.

BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING MUST CREDIT WM.COM

Exciting news!  I’ve been officially added to another Enemies List! More details as they become available…