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Thought I’d go ahead and drop a non-drunk and -retarded post about Wrestlemania. I will use the handy whazzmaster list:

1. I started out the day playing craps at Madd Scientist’s house. Result? up $8. boo. yah.

2. We picked up Scott about 20 minutes after Wrestlemania started and drove to nearby Pleasanton where a bar was supposedly showing WM. Madd had a travel mug of vodka with him for the trip.

3. We get there and immediately order 3 pitchers, 1 each, and get to work drinkin them. We also order some food while watching Los Guerreros beat on Benoit.

4. At the table next to us was a guy wearing an Undertaker shirt, a guy wearing an HHH shirt, and a bunch of girls. Madd of course tries to impress the girls. One of them challenges him to a drinking contest. Both her and a 50 year-old man at another table beat Madd.

5. Madd teases a ketchup drink. We bet him $2 he won’t. He, of course, does it. He drank ketchup…. out of the ketchup bottle. This produces cheers from everyone.

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I’ve been thinking over the last several days that I have no good way to follow up the Vegas post. So while I’m playing pokerroom.com, I figured that I’d just whazz some junk out and hope for the best.

The weekend after Vegas Erin and I went back to Wisconsin to do wedding stuff. We took the red-eye out of SFO and got into O’Hare at about 5:30am. Weekend was pretty ok, and on Saturday night Wirkus, Bellgirl, and Jen came out with me and Erin to have some cocktails. First stop: College Inn, where according to Arlo and Jamey they are charging for Kankakee Bowling these days. We were content to buy them out of their High Life and Lite shorties again. Bellgirl, Wirkus, and Jen were also doing tequila shots. After a while we headed out to Cheers (formally O’Flannery’s for those in the know), where Jen got into a great conversation with just a solid-looking citizen who happened to male. She looked to be having a great time, so when Wirkus elbowed me and told me to go “save her”, I just let her be. To finish out the night, we stopped into George Webb to see my brother get his cook on. A few things happened at George Webb:

1. We were served by Chad Sylvester’s brother, Darin Sylvester.
2. Bellgirl had to be physically restrained from leaping heroically behind the counter to help my brother with the bar-time rush.
3. In addition to tipping our waiter (Darin freakin Sylvester!) we tipped my brother as well. His tip consisted of 2 positive comment cards written on napkins, 1 porno trading card from Vegas, Wirkus’ Connie business card, and $6. In the morning he told me he appreciated the tip.
4. Jen made me go to the bathroom with her because she was afraid of walking through George Webb at 3am.

5. Jen lectured us on the pros and cons (mostly the pros) of attacking Iraq as the rest of us almost fell asleep.
6. There was a car parked right outside where we were sitting that had a license plate that said CSHMNY.
7. My brother made me some damn fine chicken fingers.

Later on, Wirkus and Bellgirl slept at Casa de Moneypenny. They learned the fucking house rules, and they knew that the back of my dad’s hand awaited anyone who disobeyed.

Madd came over the other day to watch the Wisconsin/Kentucky game. Unfortunately, since we live on the west coast, and they’re bastards here, the Wisconsin game was not on. Instead we got to see Ari-fucking-zona versus Notre fucking Dame. In protest, me and Madd got drunk and watched Perfect Strangers on the Tivo. It was the one where Balki learns how to drive from Cousin Larry and hilarity ensues. With 2 minutes left in the game, those fuckers at CBS realized that the close Wisconsin game was perhaps better than the Arizona-is-winning-by-20 piece of shit that we were seeing.

Kansas/Arizona is on right now and Erin is losing her shit. If I’m not at work Monday, it may be because Kansas lost and I am now dead. Please send help.

-YOSSARIAN LIVES!

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I have been drunk before. I have stayed up late at night before. I have even eaten shrimp cocktail out of a sundae cup before. I have never, however, done so much with so little sleep, with so much liquor and so much crotch-rot. Vegas, you harlot, give me another fucking $1.49 breakfast special and another exotic fucking bird show, and get on your way. — Zachery Moneypenny

Vegas means many things to many people. To me it means three things: free liquor, gambling, and titties. — The Madd Scientist (12 Mar, 2003)

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To get started I wanted to note that I just called Madd and when he answered I said “What’s up man?” There was a perfect 2 seconds of silence and he responded “I’m on a boat.” I thought it was pretty funny myself.

Last night was drunko. We hit the College Inn on Main and cleaned them out of High Life and Lite shorties again, and then we picked up Erin and Beth and went to Cheers (formally Coconut Grove(formally O’Flannery’s)) and had multiple pitchers of beer. Then we went to George Webb at 2am to harass the new cook: my brother Aaron. Bellgirl did NOT sleep with my parents, though when my brother got home from his shift at 6am she asked him if he wanted to hop into bed with her. haha.

Coming soon: Moneypennyfamily.com, in case you are interested in knowing my family’s ancestry dating back to 18th century Ireland.

We had the wedding tasting today at the Racine Marriott. Good all around, with my top choice being something that we honestly can’t really afford. The chicken dish I think we’re leaning towards is the Chicken Fontanelle, and the beef may be the Roasted Sirloin. Overall a good experience, and we were sitting at the table with 2 other couples which allowed us to get ideas for stuff at the reception and such.

I want to state right now that it is neither mine nor wirkus’ fault that the vegas post is still not up. That honor falls on the Madd Scientist. If you want someone to harass, stay away from me.

Erin’s Bridal Shower is in a couple of hours, and I sincerely hope we get some good loot out of it. Just kidding. I did tell her to win something nice for me.

Last Tuesday I bought a Tivo, and by Wednesday afternoon I finally had it hooked up and working. Pretty tight so far, I’ve already got a Season Pass to record Simpson’s, Chapelle Show, South Park, Howard Stern, Insomniac, WWE Raw and Smackdown among others. By the time we get back to Cali on Sunday evening there should be some nice juicy TV goodness waiting to be watched.

POST VEGAS STORY, MADD! OY RAHEEB, GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!

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I’ve got to collect myself and figure out what happened this weekend. More to follow.

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Vegas means many things to many people. To me it means three things: Free Liquor, Gambling, Titties. Consider this post an organizational thread for other whazz travelers to know what to expect this weekend.

How much money are you bringing? Are you setting loss limits per day or just going crazy until you are broke? Strip clubs: general thoughts and concerns? Sleep: necessary? Hooking up in vegas: does it count as cheating?

I’m bringing $500 to gamble and another $500 for whatever… which will probably be gambled away as well. I’m probably going to do most of the gambling on saturday and spend friday getting as drunk as possible. I’m ok with strip clubs, but would rather not spend an entire night there… think about it people, naked chick, you can’t touch her, she can’t touch you, you can’t touch yourself and you have to give her all your money. I’m just a cracka that like titties, but we can find women attached to them at bars and spend our money on liquor to convince them they would like us to touch them. My only sleep will be from 11am-6pm on saturday and i’ll make sure there is a gimlet on my nightstand to drink immediately upon waking up. .20 BAC all day or go home.

For people that have been there, what is cool? For people that haven’t been there, what do you want to do? For whazz battle rappers, why do you think you can beat me?

I know this isn’t travelmaster.com but this trip justifies its own planning post… so plan, biatchs.

–YOSARICA IS DEAD

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I’m working from home today, so while my tests run on my work machine through PCAnywhere, I can write this awesome post.

Madison Crime Report
As wirkuswhazz alluded to yesterday, there was a pistol whipping/shooting at Stillwaters in Madison early Monday morning. The pistol whip happened during a hip-hop open mic night. This serves as a warning to Madd and Scott; the next time you got to Toons for battle-rap night, do not piss people off. They WILL pistol whip you. Also, there were a few funny things about the story: 1.) Bullfeathers owner Dick Lyshek closed the doors to the bar and locked everyone inside until the police came and 2.) the same Dick said, “This incident is part and parcel to what happens when hip-hop type promotions are done.” I don’t know why, but I find that quote funny.

Check This Out
Alert bellman Steven E. sent me a picture from the San Diego area that has to do with the ever-spiraling cost of gasoline on the west coast. I don’t know what it’s like back in Wisconsin, but out here regular unleaded is at $2.25 and rising, while Premium is up to $2.50 in some areas. If things don’t stop soon, we could see $3/gal by the end of the year, and that, my friends, would be weird to see. Luke has pointed out that in Europe $3-$4 a gallon is not uncommon. The thing about Europe, though, is that they generally have far better public transportation than over here. And by “far better” I mean that there is more coverage. Anyways, check out Steven’s picture here. It shocked even myself. Madd, you would be enraged.

The Family Tree of Stupidity
A new member of the family has been added. I completely forgot how stupid the USA Today is. Perhaps it is because I don’t have to read it anymore while standing at the bellstand. Anyways, it IS a newspaper written by 3rd graders, for 3rd graders. If you have possible candidate to add to the family, just post it in the comments and we can get it added if appropriate. Remember it must not only be stupid, but also insulting to the average person’s intelligence.

3 Days Until Vegas
Not much to report about in here, I just wanted to reiterate that we are, in fact, going to Vegas, and it will, in fact, be fucking awesome. I will assure you that I am bringing the digital camera and voice recorder, so we should get some good things out of it. And if nothing else, I’m sticking to Springer like white on rice, just to see the old man tear Vegas a new one.

–YOSSARIAN LIVES!

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[UPDATE at 9:50pm]
Alright, I don’t have much time before the Anna Nicole Show starts and I have to start hating humanity again, but I need to get this off my chest: those cocksuckers at Disney made another Inspector Gadget movie. Jesus. There’s only one way to explain how this movie came about: Satan ate lots of mexican food one night, and the next morning he went to the toilet and crapped something so foul that even he couldn’t deal, and this is the Lord of Evil we’re talking about. So Satan sent this pile of offal to earth, and lo Inspector Gadget 2 was funded and actually recorded onto some medium. I’ll hit the high points since time is running out for this rant:

1. There is now a woman version of Inspector Gadget, because any grass fucking Hollywood producer knows that [plot of movie 1] + [woman] = ~RATINGS!
2. Apparently they do not care about Penny, who was, as I recall, THE ONLY REASON FOR THE SHOW TO EXIST SINCE INSPECTOR GADGET IS A FUCKING IDIOT.
3. They replaced Ferris Bueler with French Stewart, the fucker from the 3rd Rock and star of the worst movie I have ever seen I swear to god. I will repeat that for those of you who– fuck it, I’ll just repeat it: FUCKING FRENCH STEWART IS NOW INSPECTOR GADGET.

Fuck you Disney.

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