Go home
Whazzmaster.com is closed for whazzgiving.
i got drunk again. who cares.
friday night i played poker and drank until 4:30am… you know, cause i had to get up at 7am and go to stanford for the cal game.
i was drunk by 9am. check your call logs.
i hung out with drunkasaurusrex and brianh from the tucker max board. i don’t remember much.
i went to eat at the tied house and scott showed up to taunt my receeding hair line. i hate him. we ate with a nice family that didn’t appreciate the skrillionaire termanology… i meen, seriously, how else could i describe the game? i think “that was a donkey fucking great time” summed it up perfectly. her kids didn’t seem to agree. fuck them.
boom. pass out.
boom. wake up.
boom. stacker2 and red bull vodkas and i’m golden. cut to tres gringos. drunk. cut to la vic. drunk. cut to sarge. haha, sarge.
the end. 20 hours straight. i need a voice recorder.
Root Cause Analysis of Whazzmaster.com
I think I’ve figured out why whazzmaster.com’s wheels are coming off. In tha beginning, there was rap… and on whazzmaster.com almost all Blog entries (which were supposed to jumpstart conversation about topics) were about one of two things:
1.) Me hating something.
2.) We went out and got drunk and something funny or interesting happened.
Looking back at the past few months, there’s been very little of either of the above. I take full resopnsibility for my own decline in writing about number 2 (haha!), but there’s a reason that we have 3 other people with Admin-level access. Scientist: you go out drinking every night, and even on a bad night out you’ll trip on a pimp robot’s foot and break your ankle. On a good night you’ll drink absinthe and black out in a bar, only to wake up between two impassible fences.
Wirkus, every time I talk to you on the phone you have at least a minorly funny story about something that was funny/interesting or that pissed you off in some way.
And JESUS CHRIST PEOPLE, CASPERSON THROWS PEOPLE THROUGH WINDOWS IN DUMPSTERS FOR A LIVING. He should have SOMETHING to say.
Oh, they post all right. But I’m prepared to hold whazzmaster.com to a higher grammatical standard than we currently have in place. Jesus, take some time to formulate your goddamned words into goddamned sentences. Start a sentence with a fucking capital letter every fucking time.
Above all: make goddamn sense, even if your story doesn’t.
Scientist: you went to college. Presumably at some point you had to write in complete sentences. Try to do it more often now that you work in the real world.
Wirkus: I shouldn’t have to say anything. You’re a goddamned English major. I’m at least tryin’ here. Every once in a while I’ll use a semi-colon (probably incorrectly). I try to hyphenate when appropriate.
Casperson: Write something. Anything. Please tell me a story about when you broke someone’s ankle with the Ankle Lock.
Me: Get off my lazy ass and actually write sometimes. For that matter, go out more so you have more stories to tell. You ain’t gettin’ any younger, Jackson.
C’mon, guys. The level of posting has declined severely since the Bachelor Party. We need to step up if we want to make this site a Good Thing.
Current Grade: D
I want us back to at least a B by January. You have your assignments. Go Voltron.
-whazz on
Dick in you’re ass
Why I get pissed when people (timmah) fuck with the website:
1. It’s not funny; it’s assholy– it’s like pissin’ in someones sink. Even if it’s the right height, it’s something you just don’t do.
2. Moneypenny shouldn’t have to take time out of his busy day to nerd-proof the place. The only nerds who know how to fuck it up are madd and you, timmah, and you are the only one who fucks it up. Stop. Let moneypenny spend his time working his soul crushing job, loving his wife, moving to San Jose, planning whazzgiving, or simply masturbating instead of writing pointless code to keep you from being a fagg.
3. Also, show some fucking tact: Cal really is a closeted homosexual.
That is all. Sorry I lost my mind today, but I was really fucking pissed.
whazz on…
CAL
While I was of course amused by the full Cal blog the other day, it also annoyed me to the point of enforcing logins for users. If you want to post as Jeff Garcia no need to login, but if you want to post as your user name, you’ll have to login. I’ve hopefully fixed the Remember Me system, so once you login you should stay logged in (on that computer) for a year. If it still isn’t working, then I’ll get the Scientist to help me out and get it working.
For those like Scott Fournier who forgot their password, I’m working on a script to email it to you (if you have an email address attached to your account). If there’s no email, you’ll have to create a new user (unless I know you personally, then just give me a call and I’ll reset it for you).
–whazz on
What In The Jumping Green Christ Is Going ON Here?
CAL: how many people are you bringing to my house for Whazzgiving? It’s not like I just have to throw some more gravy in the pot. You and your kind need an entirely new menu. You have to tell me more than just the day before that you’re bringing 3 vege-tegans to my house. It’s not a problem BUT I HAVE TO KNOW AHEAD OF TIME.
Goddammit.
I’m going to ram your head into a stop sign when we all go to SF for the day. Then I’ll feed you to the seals. Those meat-eating fuckers’ll chew anything that moves.
Psssst, Cal…
Pssst, Cal, look to your left. We are waiting.
Hello!
Hello, everyone! It’s me, Moneypenny… Man of YOUR “Dollars,” and I’m here to talk about some things.
Like this: I played Golden Tee 2004 for the first time last weekend and it sucked balls. They had the PGA machine there too, but I couldn’t bring myself (in good conscience) to put money in the thing. So, getting back to GT 2004 and it sucking balls: yeah, it sucked balls.
In other Golden Tee-related news, Scientist bought a GT 99 cocktail machine, like they had at the Great Dane in Madison. Oh, its-a gonna be great with that thing.
Now, onto a voice-mailed topic: Tivo. GMC left me a VM about SQ (Sean Quealy, dawg, Sean Quealy) wondering about STQs (specific Tivo questions). And thus, here are my answers. If Arlo is watching this, he can chime in too, since he loved it before I ever got on board. But let me make it clear: Tivo is fucking awesome. t lets me watch what limited TV I can stand without chaining me to “time slots” and “commercials”. Fuck a commercial. Those bitches are my bitches now.
[There was a break of about 2 hours between the above paragraph and the next one.]
OK, I’ve already talked on the phone with Sean and he found out what he needed to without my internet help. In the interest of everyone else, though, I figured I’d finish my above thought.
These days I watch only the things that show up on my Tivo and football. Football is on channels that don’t have good reception, so I can’t Tivo them. Everything else, though, is on the Tivo. It’s awesome. I tell Tivo: hey Tivo, the only programs I think are entertaining are on between 11pm-3am. I don’t want to stay up watching them every night. I’d rather watch them from 6-7pm when I get home from work. Do that for me. And it does it for me.
Other times I say: hey Tivo, I like Dave Chapelle. Anytime there’s a movie with him in it, tape it for me, will ya? And Tivo does it.
All in all, Tivo is good. Or god. Or something. It’s also $12.95 per month. Well spent, my friends, well spent.
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate
That hating was a logical seperator between my Tivo thoughts and the words I’m about to type. I figured it was flashier than just a <HR>.
So we’re moving next week into the new place. I’m taking off from work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. We get the keys to the place on Friday afternoon. The plan is to get the keys, and make a few trips of non-furniture stuff on Friday night. Saturday we’ll be in Carmel for the Great Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Dinner with everyone from GT. Sunday we will make a few more non-furniture trips. Monday (with all luck) the movers will do their damn thang and move all of our furniture to the new place. Tuesday will be spent (by me) shuttling the last remaining boxes of our belongings to the new house. Wednesday will be spent picking up people from the aeropuerto, shopping for food, and getting drunk. After that it’s anyone’s guess.
Wirkus, when does your plane come in on Wednesday? Jen, when does your plane come in on Wednesday?
–whazz on