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I AM SICK. Goddammit.

United flight back to Cali was pure fucking shit. From the gate change to the sittin-at-the-back-o-the-plane to the fucking child screaming “I WANT TO SIT BY THE WINDOW!” at his dad to the fucking airline losing our luggage, it was not a pretty site. In addition, I woke up this morning with a veritable cornucopia of delights such as fever, chills, cough, chest pains, sore throat, headache, and nausea. Yup, thanks for the flu. Either Wisconsin gave it to me or United did, but the only way I’m gonna be happy come tomorrow is if I win the $210 million Powerball drawing. If I win I think I’ll buy a Golden Tee 2004 machine.

Wisconsin was humming along swimmingly right up until the point where either I turned Alzheimer-ish and dropped my digital camera into the toilet, or someone stole it from me. And now we get to part where I blow my lid: YOU MOTHERFUCK. YOU DON’T HAVE THE CHARGER OR THE LINK CABLE, AND THE BATTERY WAS ALMOST DEAD. THAT CAMERA WAS OF NO USE TO YOU. FUCK YOU AND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS. I HOPE YOU FALL INTO A SEPTIC TANK AND DIE. Needless to say, all of my pictures from December 19th-Dec 29th were in that camera. At this point, I alternate between being happy that its gone so that I get to buy a new model, and fucking pissed that all of my pictures are now in the hands of a greasy camera-stealing lunatic.

Of late, Tha Wife has taken an interest in poker. I have been teaching her the basics and she’s picking things up rather well. Since I suck myself, however, I think she will have to suckle from the Poker Knowledge Teat of the Madd Scientist. Once Casperson moves out here, I hope to see many games of Hold’Em at our house. In fact, I’m playing on pokerroom.com RIGHT NOW. I’m also deathly sick, so it’s either slump in a chair in front of the computer with a blanket over me playing poker on the internet, or masturbate furiously in bed for the next 4 hours.

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Last night LosDogg and I went up to Milwaukee to have some fun with Wirkusswhazz and Parker. Parker was, as always, wrinklely and fun. Wirkuswhazz was non-grumpy and a terrific host/guide. We started out the evening with a competitive game of Scrabble. Wirkuswhazz talked a big game, but in the end Arlo went out of tiles with R-E-E-F with me holding my dick and a J. Wirkuswhazz was stuck with tiles also and the final was Arlo (185), then Zach (172), then Wirkus (171). After all that boasting he came in last place. So sad at his age, really. We drank some High Life while we played, and right before we left to go out again I had a shot of absinthe that Wirkuswhazz still had from when he went to Europe.

We took Parker for a walk and getting the “lay of the land” around the Milwaukee River. Wirkuswhazz showed us where adventures along the river’s shore could be had. We took Parker back to the house and went to the hottest, trendiest nightspot in Milwaukee: the redroom. There were no customers, only us and the bartender. Since no one was around to hear me but my friends, I launched into a soul-cleansing tirade about the state of Politics in America. After a while, the bartender informed us that George W. Bush should be imprisoned for War Crimes for starting a Preventative War (which IS illegal in international law). I love drinking in bars near colleges.

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Whazzmaster.com is closed for the holidays.

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Yet Another One Of Us has gradumated college. Congrats Grand Masta Caspa on clawing your way over the passed-out bodies of all those young lady club-goers, strippers, and all-around hoes that are attracted to you and grabbing that diploma with both hands.

Your final semester sounds a lot like mine: African Storyteller, Wanking 101, Communication 102, Clap for Credit. Its a time honored tradition to work hard until you’re one semester away from freedom, and then take a bunch of dumb freshman classes so you can go out to lunch at Wando’s with Casperson every day for lunch. Mmm, turkey dinner. Reward yourself with a turkey dinner at Wando’s today, GMC. It’s well-deserved.

Soon you’ll be moving out to California, where the “What Car Do You Drive?” mentality rules all.

Pros: warm weather the majority of the year, pretty good hip-hop radio stations, lots of money to be made

Cons: most people are so dumb that you want to cock punch them or so nerdy that you want to grind their face on a chain-link fence, traffic jams, It’s Not Madison

For the most part you’ve been here and seen it, but I caution you that it ain’t all Agenda dance clubs and Iguana’s burritos. It takes a strong will to see the shit you see and not want to start shooting everyone in sight. Keep it player, and rep Wisco til ya die.

Congrats again, dawg.

–whazz on

ps– If I find out you failed your finals I will summarily delete this blog post.

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It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything of note here. No one seems all that interested in commenting on the past few blog entries, and Old Man went to Asia because he was so bored with what we had to say. Well get the lead out of your rectums, whazzers, because today is an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord of good times and great eats (in the Art of writing).

I’ve got a list a mile long of things to write about, but after Thanksgiving and Tha Move and so and so forth, I was exhausted to the point where, when we finally got internet access at home, I just said “fuck it” for about a week straight and did nothing on the site. Yesterday Erin unpacked our office while Scientist and I watched the World Poker Tour: Ladies Night, and finally I have room to sit down, relax, and pound out a damn blog entry. Thank, honey, for all your hard work. It was not for naught.

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me and scientist were under the influence tonight.

the result?

box office gold.

download here: weed anthem remix

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So I got a phone call from Grand Masta Caspa last evening and in that phone call he (drunkenly, I think) told me that his goings-away from Wisco party is to be held on Sunday, Dec 28th in Madison. That was the tentative date for Picaresque Day, and as I’m not the type of person to fuck up the shit of another person, I say we move Picaresque Day. We have two options:

1. Saturday, December 27th.

Pros: It’s a weekend so the bars might be a bit more lively (though considering it’s the weekend of xmas I don’t think it would be lively anyways). More people who have day jobs would be able to attend. Post more pros if you can think of any.
Cons: It is the day after The Day After Christmas(tm), which means hangovers will abound. It is the day before Caspa’s Goings-Away Party, so hangovers will abound for that as well.

2. Monday, December 29th.

Pros: We get a day off on Saturday to heal up.
Cons: Rock Chalk and I fly out of Milwaukee the next day, so airplane hangovers will abound. It is the day after Caspa’s party, so hangovers will abound.

I dunno at this point. Anyone have any ideas?

–whazz on

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SHOW TITLE: WWE Armageddon
CATEGORY: Special
SYNOPSIS: Kane vs. Triple H vs. Goldberg; Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam; Shawn Michaels vs. Batista. From Orlando.
CHANNEL: 26 [ANALOG IN1]
DATE / TIME: December 14: 5:00PM, 8:00PM
December 16: 5:00PM, 8:00PM
LENGTH: 180 Minutes
NOTES: English

do you morons know what that means? oh yes… thugg mansion will be hosting its first pay per view this sunday.

matches planned:
chug a beer match; played on every WWE match… pick a winner… lose and chug a beer
in the pool match; pick a winner on a designated WWE match, lose and get tossed in the pool
flair chop match; pick a winner on a designated WWE match, lost and get flair chopped by ALL individuals that picked correctly on that match.

side bets for alcohol are expressly condoned and encouraged on ALL matches.

holla.

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