whazzmaster.com

Before I get started, I just wanted to let y’all know that I have 3 Gmail invites lying around. If anyone is interested in them, holler to me at whazzmaster AT gmail dizot com and I’ll get you set up.

OK, on with the show. Last evening Erin and I got a pre-approval for a home loan. We got approved for a decent amount, and I guess now we’re going to be looking around for homes, condos, townhomes, etc. Ultimately, we may end up living underground like Luke Skywalker. I’m not sure, things are really expensive around here.

Anyways, that’s the news. We’re looking for homes. Not earth-shattering, but no small undertaking either. Wish us luck.

–whazz on

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So we went to the City last evening to take in a show of I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change, a supposedly awesome musical about relationships. Now is the part where I’m supposed to say “But it wasn’t bad at all! It was great!” Nope, it was pretty bad. Watch me a make a musical about relationships:

Act I
woman: “I’m afraid I will end up alone!”
man: “beer! football! machismo!”
woman: “You don’t satisfy me in bed! I’m calling a lawyer!”
man: “How long are we going to be shoe shopping?!”
woman: “I’m afraid to get married! I don’t want kids!”
man: “We’ve been married for twelve years and we’re gonna have sex tonight for the first time in forever!”

All this musical did was puke up a bunch of extremely wince-inducing stereotypes about women and men and expect me to laugh uproariously at them. About halfway through the show I figured that maybe since I’ve dated one person from 17 years old until today, and that I’m now married to that person, perhaps I wasn’t in the target demographic of neurotic middle-aged women and egotistical middle-aged men that the play so desperately strived for. By the end of the show I could only think of one word that correctly described what I had just witnessed:

Pablum, complete and utter pablum.

BUT, and this is a big BUT, the evening was saved before the show even started. Since we were in San Francisco and going to an event, we were naturally late. Only about two minutes late, but the doors had already been shut. The usher would not seat us since the musical had begun. She said we (a group of 8 or so) would have to wait until after the opening number. We said, “ok” and waited to be led to our seats. While we were doing so a couple walked up and demanded to be seated. The usher gave them the same speech that they would be seated after the opening number. The wife was being a hirrible bitch, complaining about how, at the Napa Valley Opera House, the show started at 8:05 if the ticket said 8:00. The usher, who is now one of my personal heroes, argued back and forth with her that this was the policy, etc. Then, in the greatest all-time exchange in usher history, the following happened verbatim:

bitch: “bitch, bitch, bitch…”
usher: “Well, ma’am, I’m very sorry you were late to the show.”
bitch: “Excuse me? Did you just say what I think you just said to me?”
usher: “I’m sorry, what I meant to say was that I’m sorry the show started on time.”
bitch: *speechless*
me: “hahahahahahahaha”

–whazz on

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So I logged in to Whazzmaster the other day because it looked like Jen had double-posted a huge comment and I was going to delete one of them so she didn’t look like a total computer retard. What I found when I got to the comments manager of Whazzmaster was that some fucking spambot had been set loose on WM, posting advertisements for UK Credit Cards and Viagra. Apparently there aren’t enough fucking boners in this world. Thank you, Viagra, for managing to fucking piss me off at a whole new level.

So I downloaded a plugin for MovableType called Bayesian that is supposed to do Bayesian filtering of comment posts and then decline them if they are determined to be spam. The problem: The Bayesian plugin was coded for MovableType 2.661 whereas I am running on 3.01. Hence, there are some problems with it. At the very least though, I need to train the filters so they don’t let shit through.

So, that is why you see the Spam Probability next to each comment. It displays the percent chance that, according to the Bayesian plugin, the comment is Spam. After a while of training it should be able to filter automatically.

If Bayesian doesn’t end up working, I may go to a another plugin called SCode that basically presents the user with an image of text and has them input that before a comment is allowed to be posted. I’ve read elsewhere that it works pretty good.

So, in summary, I fucking hate Spam, and I wish each and every one of those fuckheads would get cancer of the dick and die.

Have a great day.

–whazz on

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…a new Mountain Dew flavor came out today (to add to the already flavors of Code Red and Live Wire). The name: Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

Ryan: “Salut”
all: **drinks dew**
Ryan: “crap”
[Pause]
Erin: “Mountain Dew, why did you just shit in my mouth?”

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It’s so nice to be able to browse the interweb at my convenience without retarded children hovering around me.

Oh fuck.

Those same two fucking idiots from yesterday just ran into the room as I was typing that sentence. Now I have to deal with them again. Awesome. Simply awesome.

So anyways, I wanted to drop a small line about the Olympics. Erin and I have been watching them pretty regularly on this trip and I gotta say I’m surprised and delighted that the USA seems to be kicking the holy living shit out of every other country in the world (except at men’s water polo, men’s beach volleyball, and women’s team gymnastics). I’m a little disappointed that every time I turn on the TV to get my Olympics on, I get to see either gymnastics or swimming. I want to see the good shit like the shotput, discuss, badminton, table tennis, and powerlifting. Pole vaults, bitch, pole vaults.

I’ve been on a pretty regular workout schedule while in Tahoe, which has worked out pretty good so far. My body feels like it’s falling apart at this point, but I have a deep tissue massage scheduled in about an hour and a half so I hope that helps. The one thing that fucked me up was that on the first day of working out I kinda forgot that we were staying at 7500 ft elevation and just busted an arm workout plus cardio. I felt like puking about 5-10 minutes into the cardio so I had to stop. Now I know why Rocky was fucking around up in the mountains before he beat the shit out of the Russian.

Not so much else to report. I’ll holler back later (hopefully when all of these goddamned kids go to bed or something).

–whazz on

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Can’t type for long. I’ve got teenage children hovering around me as I type at one of the “free” computer access points at the resort. I guess they have to get their online Pokemon news fix or something.

Vacation is great so far. We’ve gone golfing, had lots of great meals, gambled a lot, and went white-water rafting this morning. One bad thing so far: I lost $500 at craps last night and when we left the casino (I was in a not-so-great mood) we found that our rear tire in the truck was flatter than a motherfucker. Thirty minutes later Erin and I managed to get the other one on but let me tell you: a.) it was a bitch, and b.) I was ready to drink when done. We stopped at the nearest gas station and I bought a pint of vodka from the man behind the counter with all the money I had left.

A ten-year-old child is standing 3 feet from me staring at me right now. I better get off. More posts later on. I’ll get the pictures developed too and upload them. There’s some pretty good ones.

-whazz on

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FUCK SHIT ass bitch cunt bitch fucker piss fuck ass shit

no no no no no no no

fuck you hollywood, get herpes and fucking die.

sincerely,
zachery moneypenny

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Lack of posts due to being crushed with work. There are lots of developments with me, Erin, jobs, and homes, but since they aren’t all sorted out yet I don’t want to reveal anything so soon.

Quick News: I got my review at work and was not fired or laid off. In fact, I actually got a raise. Also, my team was elimidated from the Intuit Basketball Tournament last night in a crushing 30-27 defeat. The other team won with a 3 pointer, so I was particularly unsatisfied. I have quite a post stored up about me and losing so I’ll try to get that online soon while the rancor is still piping hot.

So that’s about it. Erin and I are going on a short vacation next week to Tahoe, so I may or may not post during the week. No matter what, though, check back to find moblog posts of us enjoying the bottle of Cristal that Wirkuswhazz got us for our wedding.

–whazz on

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