whazzmaster.com

This morning one of my co-workers came to talk with me because when you type a certain phrase associated with my employer and business unit into Google, lo and behold Whazzmaster.com is the number one result. This wouldn’t be so bad since I don’t say anything confidential there, but my co-worker was slightly concerned that the link at the top of the page (pointing to the previous blog entry) was titled “Fucking Republicans!” As we all know, that post stemmed from the time someone signed me up for the Republican National Committee mailing list and I had an… er, adverse reaction.

Now, the interesting thing here is that in musing about the possibilities of my employer starting their own blog, I never considered the fact that my whazzmaster post would become the de facto Google result when one searched for that blog. Oh Google, you so crazy; thanks for getting me noticed here at work. Next time, try to serve up a page that credits me with inventing something cool instead of publicizing the fact that I called 51% of America a swear. My grandma would not approve.

You know, I have a rather keen sense of who will and won’t see my rantings here at Whazzmaster, and I generally have no problem with anyone reading what I write. I don’t necessarily think you commenters realize it though. For instance, there could be dozens (or even hundreds) of people linking through Google to that one particular post about my work. What will they see?

[March 26, 2005 01:31 AM] by peterstiffly
I think your Intuit blog must incorporate words like “skrillionaire”.

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[March 26, 2005 01:52 PM] by Big J
1. I made it safely back from Iowa. While there I stayed at the state’s only gay motel, and even have photographic evidence of a convenience store that someone named the “Kum ‘N’ Go.”
2. A+ on the reply letter, Zacharoni. Those assholes know better than to send psychotic lefties like me or Cal that junk. If I got that, I would buy a red permanent marker and scrawl “DON’T YOU IDIOTS KNOW I’M A COMMUNIST?” over the letter and send it back. When I say or do things like that, my significant other brings me back into line by reminding me that they don’t allow you to use hot rollers in prison. Enough said. 3. I was trying to think of a job where I could spend my mornings sipping vodka cranberries and listening to Janet Jackson. Any ideas? Just being a gay thirtysomething male doesn’t count. It’s impossible.

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[March 26, 2005 05:59 PM] by cal
word, they know better. jen, mpenny i take all the bad things i said about my dear mayor- he is good. i was blinded by the green guy. whazzers! hello! moneypenny i have a gift for you it is music. the gift of music. here is my question: where is wirkus? what’s up nonposter?
go ’sconnie.
your frined,
cal

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[March 26, 2005 10:02 PM] by peterstiffly
“Kum ‘N Go” is actually a chain of gas stations in northern Wisconsin. One went up in Amery a couple of years ago. The best name I have ever seen for a gas station is the “Pump ‘N Munch” in downtown Minneapolis. I wish I would have had a camera the last time I was by it.

Now I have to go, hopefully without unintentionally verbally crapping over all cult-crazy Scientologists the world over. Crap.

FREE YOSSARIAN!

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Judd and I were playing HORSE out on the Intuit courts today and as a joke I threw up a half-court shot that miraculously went in. I was laughing at Judd when he proceeded to step up and also sink one from half-court, with no backboard or rim assistance required. I beat him anyways, though, when I did a no-rim lay-up that he couldn’t match.

RAJ OUT.

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First off, just gotta say that the fact that cnn.com has a ‘Vatican smoke cam’ link on their front page is sheer ridiculousness.

Next, I’m not sure how many people here have heard that Edge cheated on his wife with Lita (who was in turn cheating on Matt Hardy). Things got even more strange when Matt Hardy was fired by the WWE a few weeks back. Apparently, being cuckholded is now a fireable offense at Titan Towers. Anyways, via Scott Keith, I see today that Edge’s wife came out of the mists and just started blasting Edge and Lita with both barrels. Highlights include:

Personally I always liked Amy as a wrestler. As a person I always thought she was kinda a bitch and kinda looked like a man but I just chalked that up to all of the steriods she did… but hey maybe she’s like Adam and only tried them once (Off the Record) and still doing them! Oh OK!

Here’s my favorite part:

I am trying to forgive Adam and Amy but it will take a while. Edge and Lita may be one thing, but take away Adam’s steriods and what would he be? Another 6′4″ skinny guy and take away Amy’s oppenents like Gail Kim, Molly Holly, Victoria–Girls that know how to wrestle and guess what? That nasty bitch will bust her knee cap every other 7 months. Good riddance to them both. They deserve each other. Just remember what goes around comes around. I may not have handled this in the best way possible, but I never expected this to be my life right now so please forgive me……….. God bless Matt and all the future has to offer him. And God bless Adam and Amy b/c they will need it when Karma comes knocking on their doors!

Holy hell, wrestling is still hilarious!

Also, dropped Erin at the airport this morning; destination Costa Rica. I told her before she walked into the terminal to be mindful of kidnappers, dinosaurs, and to have fun with her sister.

Now let’s see the brewers snap that losing skid.

RAJ OUT.

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Good job giving up those back-to-backs, Capuano. The rage in Uecker’s soul must be hard to contain these days. 3-0 Dodgers. Hurrah! After the sweep last weekend, this shitty display of baseball is just what I needed to get my morale back up there.

RAJ OUT.

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There’s good news a-comin’ down the pike, but I don’t feel it’s my place to tell y’all. I’ll let Rock Chalk do the honors once she checks in on Whazzmaster.

RAJ OUT.

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Imagine sitting in a cube next to a man who’s job it is to do tax advising for customers over the phone, yet who sounds 100% exactly like Norm Freakin Macdonald. Very strange to hear Norm talking about “your tax basis” and “what the tax implications of your grandfather’s untimely death are.”

DUDE, HE EVEN LAUGHS EXACTLY LIKE NORM MACDONALD. HE JUST DID IT.

RAJ OUT.

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It’s 8:11am and I’m in a hotel looking down at the beach in San Diego. Weird, huh? Well, after a whirlwind weekend of Wirksu, HIKING~, drinking, eating, poker, and sushi I had to run home, throw a load of underwear in the warsh, and hop on a plane myself to get down to SD where I’ll be working until Thursday.

I’d like to do a Wirksu Trip Report, but it will have to wait until I return home as I can’t upload my photos of the Death March from here in the hotel.

Based on intel from Steven Ejercito, I have a good idear about some bars to check out downtown, so I’m gonna check that out tonight or tomorrow. I’d love to play the back 9 at Torrey Pines but I was in such a rush I didn’t bring my clubs.

UFC on Saturday was tite, too tite. Sceizzer: Wirksu played against some Asian hobos at Garden City. I don’t think he liked id, but maybe he’ll tell the story of the sour creamed-walrus man or the wily femme fatale at the table.

RAJ OUT.

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Ladies and Gentlemen of Whazzmaster.com: The Hojo is no longer.

This has more sentimental impact than most news I read out of Madison considering the amount of time I spent within those walls. Indeed, I’ve got a guy flying across the nation tomorrow who I never would have met if not for Tom Ziarnick and his wacky band of managers.

Who reads and posts on this site? Wirksu, Cal, katiek, ubs, peterstiffly, GMC, Big J, and others. All at one time punched in at that horrible time clock in the back hallway. All ate at the mercy of the kind hand of cook Justin.

The only thing I can say about the change is that, if I worked there now, I would always tell Erin “i got a double-d waitin’ at the doubletree fer me” before I left for work. That lyric cracks me up.

A more fitting eulogy is not within the grasp of my meager writing skills, but I do not exaggerate when I say that my three years at Hojo were the most formative of my life, and I would not have the wealth of friends and experience without them. It’s sad to see the old girl go, as legions of college students will now work for the faceless DoubleTree Corp. rather than under the junko Howard Johnson’s name.

• How many times did you sit in the parking booth on game days to earn extra dough?
• How many times did you sign the Poop Log?
• How many times did you face enraged people on oversold nights at 2am?
• How many times did you do the trash with Springer on Sunday nights?
• How many times were you on the roof?
• How many times did you witness the awesome bartending power of Cal?
• How many times did you spend 150% of your nights’ tips at The Living Room?
• How many times did you flip University?
• How many times did you flip Dean’s?
• How many times did you attend the Sub Feast when you weren’t even scheduled that day? How many times were you enraged that everything had mayo on it?
• How many Hojo parties did you attend? What was the best one?
• How many times did you drive the bus? Illegally?
• How many times did you have to call Chuck Zach at 6am on a Saturday because all the hot water heaters broke?
• How many squirrels did you chase through the back hallway?
• How many pots of coffee did you make? How many did you drink?
• How many times did you swing closed that ancient gate that separated the lobby from the restaurant?
• How many times did you try to enter through the side restaurant door, only to find it locked, then swear loudly?
• How many times did you illegally park your car in the hojo lot and hope no one would find out? Subie? Is that you back there?
• How many fights did you get into with Northwest Pilots? How many with Northwest Air Waitresses?
• How many times did you crash the van?
• How many vans did the Hojo go through while you worked there?
• How many times did you fall asleep in the telephone room?
• Now, how much do you miss those days?

How’s about everyone post a story from the Hojo’s glory days in comments? I declare it Hojo Week on whazzmaster.com. Join in the fun: whoever tells the best story as voted on by everyone else wins a special prize as designated by me. We’ll keep it open for a few days. Tell as many stories as you want, then we’ll figure out which was the best. katiek, tell your husband to get on here and post one; I’m sure the Chinese lawyers rank up there. Wirksu, tell bellgirl to regale us with various Bell Captainess stories. Quick, someone call Tangman and ask him to contribute.

–Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

RAJ OUT.

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