whazzmaster.com

Since I have a few spare moments before Judd saunters (and believe me, if you saw how he approaches my house in the morning, there is no other correct word) up to my door begging for carpool opportunities, I’ve decided to highlight a leetle bit of what I’ve been listening to lately. Now, I know that I have the epower to swing world opinion on music in a single bound, but I’ll take that chance. After all, what’s the internet for if not obliviously posting my opinions on everything from theoretical economics to joe’s casino, where the dealers be jank?

Here are some items you should add to your collection, should you have the exact same blah mainstream taste in music that I do:

• Tonight, Not Again - Jason Mraz Live at the Eagles Ballroom (try the following tracks to get a feel: Curbside Prohpet, No Stopping Us, Sleeping to Dream). Judd got me on this, and it’s pretty good. Dave Matthews-ish with a small amount of pop-hop flavor. Dude sings real purty-like.
• Satelite Rides - Old 97s (especially Buick City Complex and Designs on You). Yeah, yeah. Everyone in the universe knows and loves the Old 97s and I’m a schmoe for being so late to the party. Eat me, hypothetical abuser.
• Much More (single) - De La Soul. This is the one they did on Chappelle’s Show that one time; I’m still listening to it 1.5+ years later. “I play play the xbox instead of fuckin’ with dice” gets me every time.
• Brass - The Minibosses. Holy shit inna grocery store shopping cart, if you ever played Nintendo I implore you to buy this CD. It’s great, that’s the truth, and I won’t say another thing until you’ve listened to it and praised its greatness before me. Also, gimme 5 bucks and we’ll call it square. Yeah, I said it, you owe me a five spot. What? You don’t remember? Cough up the dough or start runnin’.

In preparation for Judd’s wedding, I’ve officially been ordained by the Universal Life Church. Here were some of the ground rules:

• Please don’t ordain other people without their knowledge.
• Please don’t ordain famous people or cartoon characters.

After the process was complete (I did, by the way, feel a slight influx of God upon clicking the submit button) I officially became… wait for it… Reverand Zachery Jonathon Moneypenny. Oh hell yeah. Some of my powers, for those that still aren’t inspired and/or in awe by me:

• I can perform marriages, which, given the reason for this whole thing, is good.
• I can perform certain rites (Last Rites, Sacrament, Baptism, other stuff) but one Rite is explicitly not given to me. Sadly, I cannot perform circumcisions. Foiled again.
• I can absolve people of sins. Next party I have, everyone who stays til 3am gets their sins absolved free. Otherwise, if you want everyday absolvement, it’ll be five bucks, or you buy me a Taco Bell lunch (which could be under five bucks, depending on location).

I was trying to get my dad to buy my big screen TV and have it shipped to Wisco so we can be rid of it. I tried to make him a really good deal. He gives me $1000 (10 one hundred dollar bills) and he gets the following:

• One 51″ Sony TV
• I will marry his daughter to someone.
• I will perform one marriage to be named later (of his choice).

I think I’m really close to striking a deal here. Keep your fingers crossed, Whazzmaster.com. Also, I wish I could cross my arms, I-Dream-Of-Jeanie style, and turn people into salamanders. Also, some kind of voodoo and/or hoodoo powers would be nice. Finally, I’d like a really big robe to wear when I perform magic. I’ll also need flash powder by the pound.

Someone made a terrible mistake.

– i just absolved myself of my sins. i think i’ll do it after lunch as well.

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Up is down and backwards is forwards. Motherfucking Mark Henry main-evented the Royal Rumble?! Rey Mysterio won the Rumble itself?! R U JOKIN ME?! Eff off, WWF. You suck.

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I was in Wisconsin for a recruiting trip last week and had a delightful time. I got blackout drunk by myself on Sunday night waiting for the cavalry that never arrived, though I did have a blast with the entire staff of some restaurant from Milwaukee who were charter bussing around downtown Madison on a holiday party.

On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I basically just tried my damndest to find computer science majors to come work for our company.

On Monday night me and O’neil had a dreamy drink with Eroz and the Giggle Brigade (see previous comments).

On Tuesday night, I went out and had a fabulous night with a cast of half-dozens. Hung out with peterstiffly, Danny, Stacy, Megan, and Bunk. Also had a meeting of the minds when we met up with O’neil and Rumsey at Mondays. Man, that guy from the booth next to us at the career fair was drunk. He had, like, a five minute hug with some other guy. At the end of the night he confessed to stealing some of the water bottle tchotchke’s off our table. I was like, “Dude, if you would have asked we would have given you twice as many as you stole. We hate those things.” Luckily, we stole pens from them all day, so we called it even. Had a night-ending weirdo-sit when the Silver Dollar bartendar kicked us out three times. The first two times he yelled at us to leave he then said, “but if you stay, I don’t care.” We were among many, many people still sitting there, and the bartendar was playing pool with someone. Then, out of the blue, he yelled at us again. What were we still doing there and all that razzmataz. Peterstiffly broke out the back fire door and moseyed out the front. Odd to the max, yo.

I’ve got pictures from Rumsey from during the Battle of Wits with Kirk Van Houtten, but they won’t be up until later. Check back. Until then, listen to a Big Pun CD; I don’t care what you do.

PICTURES!

Monday’s. Wow. Great.

– i’m not a player i just crush a lot

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Man, i’m dru nko. Jst got s cqll fromm wirkuue. he’s goooood. in san diego. also got a contact from stacy. not sure if i’ll seee herr but it would be nice. helloooooo! mmadisoon, i luv u!

hellom space cow boy

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The Old Man is 30, folks. Aww, wirksu, you know I love ya. You’ve got a wonderful wife and you live in sunny San Diego with Steven Ejercito, now. Your life is just beginning, and soon enough you’ll be a cranky usher kicking young punks out of the box seats at Miller Park. For now, enjoy life in Southern California.

I did some elite computer hacking and finally got my pictures from Tucson up on whazzmaster.com. Check the Tucson trip.

– see you, space cowboys

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It’s 1:15am Tucson time and I’m in the house from a drunk point of view. Just got dropped off by Wwhazz and Bellygirl and it was a fun night. We hit the Cafe Poca Cosa downtown (muy bueno Pollo Mole Blah blah) and then a drink at The Shanty, where some nubile women were performing a traditional Pac Man bar crawl. Then I saw Dutty for a few minutes before we headed over to the Palo Verde Bar & Grill for many dinks, drunks, and a show where some chick danceed on the bar. Coyote Ugly it wasn’t. Ugly it kinda was. We finished off the night by hugging in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn Palo Verde and then playing catch with the football for 5 minutes. Have a great rest of the trip to San Diego, WWhazz, and Bellygirl!

–i love you guys

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All the galleries are up from my trip. Click through to the Galleries homepage, or direct from the below list.

• WWhazz/Bellygirl Wedding Extravaganza
• WWhazz/Bellygirl (Rehearsal) Wedding Extravaganza
• WWhazz/Bellygirl Pre-wedding Festivities
• New Year’s Eve 2005

Have fun.

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Yo, it’s the Madd to the Sceizzer/
Soon-to-be older than a geezer/
Down with Rach-ho but he tease her/
Fuck wit him, you’ll be tucked in a freezer/

Whatever, I don’t write rhymes, I fuck minds up. I thought your birthday was the 27th, Scientist, but Amanda insisted it was the 17th. She knows you better than me; whatchu doin’ tonight? Wish I could be there; the sceizzer birthday only comes once a year.

–plop, plop

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