whazzmaster.com

Another year passes here at the whazzmaster.com world headquarters and the elves are a bit misty-eyed.  Now, perhaps it’s the yuletide joy or perchance it’s the brandy-to-bitters ratio in the Old Fashioned’s that ol’ whazzmaster is drinking, but none of that really, truly matters.  In the grand scheme of things.  Ho, ho, ho!

The terrific news this Xmas is the veritable windfall the Apples to Apples Corporation has stumbled upon.  Spacebee’s brother-in-law got me the game, I got my parents the game, and then my sister got me the game.  Ho, ho, ho!  A very Apples-to-Apples Xmas!

Additionally, we here at Whazzmaster Central have decided (decreeeeeed) that henceforth the Moneypenny Family will operate on a “PULL a NAME outtuva HAT” basis.  This “buy a gift of for everyone in the wetsern heimsphere” thing isn’t working out, so at Xmas Eve Dinner the chil’lens rammed through a bill (with several amendments) that stipulates that starting next Thanksgiving, names will be pulled from hats. One name, per person. Say lah vee.

Last night was the cat’s pajamas; I went out in Racilla with Arlo, Jamey, Joel, and my Birthday Sister (related to Disco Sis) along with Sundry Ashely Friends.  The night was notable most for the very, very chillington “the third” game of Spades we played down at Waves as well as the sociopathic homosexual bartender who basically threatened to anally rape me if I didn’t vacate his bar at the proscribed time (2:30am).   To be clear, everything was Chillington the Third until the Anal Threat.  At that point the evening devolved quickly and was no longer great or “chill”.
What did I get for XMAS? A sweatshirt, some gift cards, a new coffee cup, a pizza pan (with the Moneypenny Pizza Recipe attached!), socks, cuff links, new pre-shave oil and after shave balm, etc.  Good haul.  I’ll be heading back up to Madison tomorrow evening (Xmas Day) so that I’ll be bright-eyed and bushy tailed for Tuesday Morning Work Week.  I’ll be kickin in all week, then on Saturday I fly to Cleveland for my cousin’s New Year’s Wedding. Spacebee’s coming with.  Heh, wait’ll she gets a load of my dad’s side o’ the family. It’s gonna be fun.

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Hohoho, haha, ha. Man that is funny.

In my daily canvassing of the internets, I occasionally come across a scrap of information that is funny only to myself, a nerd-for-hire, or possibly madd scientist, a former nerd masquerading as a ne’er-do-well internet gambler. Today was one of those days. Via Slashdot, I saw a story about a Republican aide from Montana who contacted a “hacker” web site about breaking into his college’s computer system and upping his (apparently) rather dismal GPA. For what nefarious reason, I couldn’t fathom, as our current Executive has already proven you can be the dumbest motherfucker on the planet and still get elected.

Anyways, the fellows that run the website actually posted all of the emails that were exchanged as they led him on a goose chase to provide a few laughs. That the idiot used his personal Yahoo email address (comprised of, precisley, his name) to talk was not the funniest part. Nor was it the fact that it was a dumb-as-rocks Republican; I can actually believe any politician attempting this based on their vapidness and ability to claw over any law or ashen, fallen comrade to get to their goal.

No, what really got me chuckling was the following exchange:

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Todd Shriber (nascar24_08530@yahoo.com)
Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2006 17:01:49 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: Question for you or other Attrition membersOn Wed, 9 Aug 2006, Todd Shriber wrote:

: OK here it is: I need an adjustment to my college GPA. Is this an absurd request?

Absurd no, difficult yes. Really depends on the college, security in place, the amount of databases required to truly update, log servers to compromise to remove evidence, type of access required to access the systems (internet? LAN? dialup? carrier pigeon?), and a dozen other things that come into play.

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From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Todd Shriber (nascar24_08530@yahoo.com)
Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2006 17:13:42 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: Question for you or other Attrition members: What would you or anyone else need from me to see if you could it?For starters, college name, full name, and whatever number they track you by. Student ID or SS# or whatever else. And, are there pigeons on campus?

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From: Todd Shriber (nascar24_08530@yahoo.com)
To: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2006 14:21:36 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: Question for you or other Attrition membersI can supply all that. Forgive what I assume is dumb question, but what are pigeons? I know you’re not talking about the bird.security curmudgeon wrote:: What would you or anyone else need from me to see if you could it?

:: For starters, college name, full name, and whatever number they track you by. Student ID or SS# or whatever else.
:: And, are there pigeons on campus?

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From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Todd Shriber (nascar24_08530@yahoo.com)
Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2006 17:23:07 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: Question for you or other Attrition members

: I can supply all that. Forgive what I assume is dumb question, but what are pigeons? I know you’re not talking about the bird.

Actually I am.

Hoo boy, that’s funny.

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Eroz was in town for a minute today. We had a bite to eat at Nick’s and then played the ol’ squeezebox for old times sake. Also, nostalgia. Wwhazz’s Montemarte -> black eye trip was much discussed. Also, sundry other topics that I’m not at liberty to divulge. Hurray!

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Motherfucker piss shit ass fuck twat.

Wednesday evening, I arrived back in Madison from California. I tried to get online to do something and my internet wasn’t connected. I fought with my computer for 45 minutes before I realized that hey, my phone didn’t work either. I went into the living room: my cable tv didn’t work either. It was late, so I resolved to call Charter (i.e., the worst motherfucking company on earth) in the morning.

Thursday morning I called (CALL NUMBER 1) Charter (REMEMBER, THE WORST FUCKING COMPANY ON EARTH) and was told there was an outage in my area. I asked how long and they said someone had been dispatched to fix it and it shouldn’t be long.

Friday morning: still no service (tv, internet, or phone) so I called back (CALL NUMBER 2). This time the utterly fucking idiot “cable tv tech support” person dispatched a technician to come look at my TV & Internet setup. The date and time for the service call? Saturday, between 1p and 5p. This becomes important later on, folks. She then transferred me to the Phone Division, where they set up a separate, Phone service call for the same day (Friday) between 8a and 5p.

Friday comes and goes, no one ever shows up or calls (MISSED SERVICE CALL 1). I would later be told that someone came to my house but I wasn’t there. Funny, I work from home; I was there all fucking day. My cell phone has this feature where I know if someone called. No one called.

Friday night I stayed at spacebee’s, because I didn’t have to be back home until 1p (when the service window was supposed to start) on Saturday.

Saturday I awoke at 11a to find 3 messages on my phone:

9:30a - “This is charter, we’re trying to confirm your service call today. The tech will be there in 20 minutes.”

10:10a - “This is Bob, the charter (the worst motherfucking company on earth) service tech, I’m outside your building.”

10:20a - “Sir, this is charter communications. You were not home so we are canceling this service call. Call back to reschedule.”

(MISSED SERVICE CALL 2)

I was about 4 shades of fucking enraged purple. However, I also know that “customer service” reps these days are trained such that if you yell and scream, they just say “Sir, I don’t have to take this abuse.” and hang up. So I called up (CALL NUMBER 3) charter (the worst motherfucking company on earth) and was angrily saying how badly I’d been treated and how this and that (no swearing, no yelling) and the guy interrupted me, put me on hold, then disconnected me. Motherfucking fuckwads at charter communications (the worst fucking company on earth). My call back was picked up, handled by a lady in South Carolina. I was then transferred to the Madison office, I was then transferred to someone in the repair department. She informed me that I had missed my appointment on Friday (news to fucking me, I was sitting in my apartment the whole day) and the one that morning (never mind that they said “in between 1 and 5″ and, where I live, TEN FUCKING O’CLOCK IS NOT BETWEEN ONE FUCKING O’CLOCK AND FIVE FUCKING O’CLOCK.)

In the end, after 60 minutes and 5 transfers or hang-ups, the repair department woman said she would schedule an appointment for me between 8a and 12:30p on Monday. So, I dutifully wake up this morning and start my now-tiring hobby of WAITING FOR MOTHERFUCKING CHARTER COMMUNICATIONS (THE WORST FUCKING COMPANY ON EARTH) MOTHERFUCKERS THAT NEVER FUCKING SHOW UP. At 12:56p I called (CALL NUMBER 4) charter (the worst fucking company on the planet) and inquired when a service tech would be at my home. I mean, they wouldn’t wait at my home for hours until I got there, but apparently I should wait all goddamn day. The woman (in North Carolina this time) looked at the service order and asked, “They aren’t there yet?” I responded “No.” She said, and I fucking quote, “Well, I suggest you just wait a little longer, they be running late. Call us back in an hour.”

Wait for it… wait for it.

(MISSED SERVICE CALL 3)

I just called back (CALL NUMBER 5) and was told that my appointment wasn’t for today! It’s for tomorrow, Tuesday! It says it right there on the order! It must be true if it says it right there on the order! What? They told me it was on Monday? No, no, no sir, I must have heard them wrong. It couldn’t be the fault of charter communications (the shittiest fucking service in the entire industry!) (and the employer of some astoundingly stupid fucking humans).

So what will I be doing to tomorrow? Sitting right here, HOLDING MY FUCKING DICK and waiting for someone at charter commui-fucking-cations (i.e., the worst company I’ve ever had dealings with) to walk in and say “damn, you don’t have any cable, phone, OR internet.”

Honestly, I haven’t been this enraged since The Steve Misrack (The Worst and Scummiest Landlord on Earth) Incident. This one is going down in the record books, folks.

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To my eternal dismay, I don’t have the time to digitally note my many and varied erudite opinions on the Stupidity of America. Luckily, I do have ***NEWS***.  Ewaz called me this morning and let slip that he may be in town next Tuesday taking a friend to the aeropuerto.  Coincidentally, that is the same day that rumthumbs, lawman, spacebee and I were going to do it durrty, dinner party-style.  The only thing better than a dinner party with the rumthumbsey and The Law is to involve EWAZ as well.  Now, Madd Scientist, when will I be seeing you next?

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Yes, yes.  I’m not dead, I haven’t fallen with insufficient leverage or drive to “get up,” and I’ve spent the last two hours putting printed signs saying “Ur Kids R Ugly” on every 5th floor hotel room door.  It’s a good time to be alive, gentlefops, and so far Cullyfornia has been the cat’s pajamas.  Friday night spacebee and I had a fun-on-a-bun time with Grace-O and Her Parents.  We went to Hukilau in San Heezy and it was good food, folks, and fun For Sheezy.

Saturday was a day of Xmas Cali Shopping and then The Intuit Holiday Party.  As usual it was a great time of food, entertainment, and free booze.  The after-party at EvilAntnie’s was also as fun as it was indescribable… perhaps describable: we were playing Guitar Hero II on Expert and drinking really tasty Scotch.

Sunday I was supposed to meet up with GMC and go to the Packer/Niner game at Candlestick.  Due to hangovers and crossed comm signals I never hooked up with him, but I did get to see the game at The Old Pro in Palo Alto.  That bar is also known to me as The Bar I Hate More Than Any on Earth, and here’s why:  I’ve been there a few times now, and it is one of the few bars that has many TV’s in the area where you are sure you can go and see the game you want.  I think they know this, and therefore have no concept of service whatsoever because, well, where else you gonna go?  If you aren’t silly looking frat boy, you will get attention from the waitress approximately once every 45 minutes, and god help you if you aren’t looking directly into their eyes when they even walk up your row.  If you are, you know, watching the game and they walk by (because they won’t ask you if you want anything, you must flag them down) then will will have to wait for the next round, 45 minutes later.  I was kind of surprised when my bill showed 4 beers on it; I never put much thought into it that I had been able to plead with the waitress for a beer 4 times in the 3 hours I was there.  Anyways, I fucking hate that place.

After I got back to the hotel I realized that it was only 6pm so I went over to Garden City to play a little 3-6 Limit.  Four hours later, down $50, I had enough and returned home.  It was nice to be back in the atmosphere of Garden City Casino: the air was heavy with addiction and despair.  Also, a proto-Scientist was sitting to my left.  He was good for a few laughs.

So I’m in this training for work today and Tuesday, and then my flight leaves Wednesday morning at 6am.  Looking forward to din-din with the O’Rumsey’s, and after that ???.  Madddddddddddd, I’m still looking for when we can hang out before Xmas.

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This is a random grouping of pictures I took. Have fun.

Bellygirl wanted some pictures of snow. Well, here’s one. There’s more on Flickr.

Here’s some antique poker chips I found when moving. They’re more like tiddly-winks.

I put The Trout in a place on honor right next to my front door. Lawman was happy to see it when he and rumthumb toured.

By the way, did you hear that the city of Milwaukee blew up today?

At least 2 workers were killed in an explosion this morning at the Falk Corp. plant in the Menomonee Valley, the Milwaukee County Medical Examiner’s office has reported.

The fire department has asked the Medical Examiner’s office to standby while they continue to work to secure the blast site.

At least one other worker is reported missing.

The blast just after 8 a.m., believed to be caused by a propane-fueled explosion, destroyed a building in the company’s complex, injured numerous workers and rumbled through much of the city.

The frightened relatives of Falk workers rushed to Miller Park, where blast survivors assembled following the explosion that rattled much of the city and some of the suburbs.

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from: the madd scientist

may all your hats be floppy and brown.

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