whazzmaster.com

It was a beautiful weekend for the Crazylegs Classic 07 run/walk here in Madison. Spacebee and I had signed up for the 8K (~5 mi) run that started at the Capital, went up to Langdon and over to the UW Hospital before looping back to Old University and up to Camp Randall Stadium. Unfortunately, due to timing of my wisdom teeth removal, I wasn’t able to do the run. Instead, we did the 2 mi walk from the Capital, up State Street and across campus to the stadium instead. We did the walk with many nurses from B4-6, and were in for a treat once we got to Camp Randall. All-you-can-drink beer! Yay! It was Bud Light or Michelob Ultra (blech) but it was free. Spacebee had a Scubby sighting, but by the time she led me back to the spot he was already gone. After the stadium drained out we went across the street to The Stadium bar for more booze and fun. Luckily, Gabe and Greg (two guys we did the walk with) were hungry enough to push for a Topper’s run. My mouth was hurtin’ something awful, but I was starving so I chomped down some Topperstix and a pizza while we stood outside at The Stadium and drank away. We followed that up with some Guitar Hero and all was well.

On Sunday I hooked up with Scubby for a round of golf out at The Oaks in Cottage Grove. The day started out terrific, but the wind soon caught up with us and by the end it was howling. I was frustrated, but had a great time getting out with Jason. We also talked about future golf trips and poker. Oh man, this summer should be a good time.

Here’s some pictures from Crazylegs.

• Leave a comment... (85)

1.) Click here for my post wisdom tooth surgery podcast.

2.) Click here to read how the Democrats are trying to bring gambling back to the masses.

• Leave a comment... (86)

The beginning of the 2007 Baseball season had me more or less enraged. I was so excited to be able to go to Brewers games that I was stumbling out of the gate, and every little thing pissed me off. Opening Day: no parking, no tickets. First Cubs game: sat in traffic for over an hour, then parking was sold out again so we didn’t arrive until the 2nd inning (by which time Bush had already given up 6 runs). One of the problems with living in Madison is that the earliest I can easily leave for a 7pm game is 5pm. Theoretically that would be enough time but, especially for Friday games, the traffic is so bad entering Milwaukee that we get within 5 miles of the stadium by 6pm, then another hour to actually get to the game (never mind tailgating).

I went to two games this weekend, Friday Night Retro Bobblehead Giveaway Extravadanza and Saturday Night Hullabaloo. On Friday we left at 5pm and sat down in the middle of the first inning. One note: any idea anyone here has of walking up at game time and getting any remotely good ticket is nuts. On both Friday and Saturday we bought tickets at just about game time and we were in in sections 440 and 437, respectively. Way up high, way far back. And the ticket counter told us those were the only tickets left for 2 people sitting together. Frankly, if the Crew is selling that many tickets, good for them. Hopefully Attanasio will use increased ticket sales to increase the team’s fortunes. One can only hope.

Friday’s game was great until the top of the ninth when Fucking Aquino (he of AAA Nashville now) gave up a grand slam to Craig Biggio. The score went from a tight, “can-they-do-it?” 2-2 to a disheartening 6-2. To the Brewers credit, they battled back with Prince Fielder’s 3 run homer in the bottom of the ninth. They followed that by getting two men on with two outs. So, tying run on second, winning run on first. Kevin Mench was up, but Yost pulled him in favor of left-hander Gabe Gross to pinch hit. Ugh, grounder to first, end of game. I’m still second-guessing that one; Mench has been on fire lately. The drive home was sad.
Now for the fun part: on Saturday peterstiffly and I left Madison at 3:30 for a 6:05 game. We got to the parking lot at around 4:30pm, and got right down to breaking out the Freedom Grill. Oh yeah, it was awesome. Within minutes of firing it up we had guys walking over and saying, “Whoa, what is this?” Actually, while stopped for a train crossing on the way out of Madison someone drove up next to us and wanted to know where I bought it.

So, J.J. Hardy hit two jacks while the Brewers cruised to win on Saturday. That was great, as were the three sections of drunkards we were surrounded by. One guy took off all his clothes except for a pink g-string and then started crawling up the rows over the seats. The cops came to get him and everyone started chanting “LET HIM STAY! LET HIM STAY!” Also, some kid left his 2007 Milwaukee Brewers Police Baseball Card set so I snatched it up. According to bellygirl, Reider and MikeWhiteHouse were at the game. I’m sad I didn’t know that.

Kyle and I did a post-game tailgate while we waited for everyone to filter out of the parking lot. A man two cars over brought his wife to show her the freedom grill and said, “This is what I want for my birthday.” Kyle and I devised the Peanut Throwing Contest, which I won by a mile. Later on, we improvised the Peanut Punting Contest. I swear to god, I would be the top pick based on a Peanut Combine. I’m that awesome at leveraging peanuts to their maximum distance potential.

peterstiffly presents… the Freedom Grill

Spacebee was quite sad that she couldn’t join in the tailgate party due to work, so when we woke up on Sunday the first thing she asked was, “Do you still have that grill attached to your truck?” The answer was yes, and we were soon off to Lake Wingra park (off Monroe) to grill out, play basketball, and endure hellish Earth Day winds. On more than one occasion I cursed Mother Earth and her Damnable Wind. Rumthumb and lawman joined us as well, and we had a good ol’ time until spacebee had to work again at three.

After an afternoon nap, the o’rumseys and I kept the party going at the Terrace. It was a beautiful day until the early evening clouds rolled in. We retired to Himal Chuli for dinner , and I forced them to go to Irish Pub for whiskey afterwards. The night rolled to a close as we watched the first two Acts of Spike Lee’s “When The Levees Broke.” It’s a very good documentary, and I encourage everyone to watch it. Katrina will always be known as America’s Shame.

• Leave a comment... (104)

Spacebee and I undertook the biggest step of our relationship yesterday: we bought camping equipment.  Y’see, we’re planning on leaving the city folk behind on May 21st and heading northernward to see bunnies and elks.  And pit toilets.  The only problem was that we collectively owned one of the items needed to successfully “camp”: a cooler.  So, off to REI and Dick’s Sporting Goods we went; I had a $10 rewards gift certificate from Dick’s and my rebate check from the REI co-op.

We bought a Hobitat.  A “Hobitat 4” to be specific, and I couldn’t be happier.  We also got things like a camping coffee pot, lexan silverware, and a citronella candle.  We got a basketball and a tennis racket for spacebee, too.  Also, I ordered my Freedom Grill: for Brewer games AND camping. Awesome.

Spacebee also bought a new bike yesterday, and while we still had some daylight left we hit the Capital City Bike Trail outside my apartment and headed eastward.  We rode out to the Barrymore to find the location of Gail Ambrosius: success, but it’s closed on Sunday’s.  Then we rode over to Johnson St, and went to Tenney Park to play basketball for awhile.  Finally, we rode back up Johnson to State and dinnered at Himal Chuli.  It took motherfucking forever to eat there, but the food was delicious and we had an ok time (until the hulk of a woman sat down next to us and started creepily craning her neck to stare).  We finished off the night at The Chocolate Shoppe (WeightWatchers be damned) before coming home and watching Planet Earth.  Also, we saw the biggest bug ever in my apartment and cowered in fear for awhile, until I was deputized to hit it with a shoe.  After that, I was still scared to pick it up and throw it away for fear it was “playing dead” until I got close enough for it to bite me.

Oh yeah, and on Saturday Scubby and I went to The Todder’s newish condo to play poker.  Three $20 buy-ins later I was up $20.  Then we went to Badger Bowl and bowled our asses off while spacebee and her cohorts were in the bar for a gig by The Mighty Electric.  Afterwards we went to The Main Depot for drinks (even though it was 2:15am) and then took our drinks out the back door and went to my place where we partied until 5am.  Jesus, that was late.

Brewers play Houston at 7pm on Friday. It’s retro night. Who wants to go?

• Leave a comment... (127)

We went to see Blades of Glory last night and it was a solid “*shrug*”.  I didn’t want to kill myself for watching it, but it was nothing to write home about.  Nick Swardson, hoo boy.  And that’s all the commentation this movie deserves.  Aqua Teen movie comes out tomorrow, though.

Good job, Brew Crew on winning the continuation of Tuesday night’s game in the 13th AND taking Florida down in Wednesday’s game.  Florida had won 9 straight going back to September 2005.  Anyone interested in going to the the Retro Friday game on April 20th against Houston?

• Leave a comment... (45)

Major League Baseball is without a doubt only a step removed from the WWE in terms of treating their paying customers like mongrel idiots who don’t deserve to be there. Case in point: MLB.TV, their sorry fucking excuse for an online “Audio & Video” offering.

So, what’s the problem? Let me see if I can explain simply. MLB.TV has this whole thing about blackout areas. So if I live in Madison and the Brewers are playing on the local FSN, you can’t watch it online (though you could probably do some shenanigans with your IP). I understand that; fine. However, what I just learned after waiting on hold for 45 minutes is that the area is blacked out during the game even if the broadcaster declines to actually show the fucking game. So the Brewers are playing, someone somewhere is taping that game, but the local FSN is more interested in showing some bullshit Bucks Live bullshit as if I fucking care about the NBA (now THERE’S a league that hates its fans). And when I said to the customer service guy, “I know this isn’t your fault, personally, but it just reflects badly on the MLB that I paid money, and I have NO way of watching the game.” His response: “Sir, it’s not the MLB’s fault if the broadcaster won’t play the game they have the contract for.” That’s when I was livid: are you telling me the MLB couldn’t get any better terms out of its broadcaster agreement? The fucking company that SHUT BASEBALL THE FUCK DOWN for a season because one incredibly rich set of peoples’ lawyers couldn’t play nice with another incredibly rich set of peoples’ lawyers? And you’re telling me, “boo hoo, those big bad broadcasters can do whatever they want!”

Eat shit and die, MLB. A “contract” is a piece of paper that defines “terms”. If you really cared about your fans and not about how much that new matching gold-plated dildo and cock-ring set was, you would tell the broadcasters: “you get exclusive blackout rights in the home area, but if you don’t actually, you know, show the fucking game, we get to show it online.”

But alas, poor widdle MLB can’t stand up to dose big, bad broadcasting companies. I mean, what if they balked? No one, but no one would agree to terns like that! Showing the game online if the broadcaster refuses to show it live to the home area fans?! That’s fucking kwazy talk!

Again, fuck you MLB. I hate your fucking guts.

• Leave a comment... (79)

Left Madison at 5pm. Got to 94/894 Zoo exchange in Milwaukee at 6:10pm. Over the next hour we moved about 4 miles. At 7:15pm we were almost on Miller Park Way and the traffic radio station said the parking lot was full. We had to get off, turn around, go back on 94 west to Hawley Ave, and park where we parked for Opening Day (i.e., a long walk through graveyards). We got almost to the Miller Park parking lot when we realized we forgot the tickets in the truck. Stacy had to run back to the truck to get them. We got into the stadium at around 7:40pm, around the middle of the second inning. Oh, Brewers are losing 6-0 already. Fucking swell. Oh, you ran out of bobbleheads? Fucking swell. Beer Man! Four beers please. Oh, you only have three left. Fucking swell. In the middle of the fifth we get up to get a brat (we hadn’t eaten yet). Due to lines 30 or more people at every single stand, we get back at the end of the seventh. Missed the Sausage Race? Fucking swell. Cubs scored two more? Fucking swell. Beer sales ended? Fucking swell. Surrounded by asshole Cub fans? Fucking swell. Bottom of the ninth: rally caps on. The Crew scores two. Rally caps are working! I get made fun of by Cub fans all around me. Fuck them, and their mothers. Corey Hart dribbles one back to the pitcher to end the game. Fucking swell. Took some pictures down by the field and then my pa gave us a lift back to Boondocks USA where we parked. Oh yeah, and it now appears that my speedometer is completely broken.

Fucking Swell.

• Leave a comment... (10)

I found it. I thought I never would; hell I wasn’t even aware it was kept by someone. But oh god it is the find of the century. Presented just as it was written. Enjoy…

---

Rules

1. If you fall down, you buy a round of shots at the next bar.
1. you cannot be pushed
2. group consensus rules
3. one knee on ground (football rules)
2. Everyone has a name
1. cannot be related to whazz name
2. Wirkus = Marcus, Casperson = Cyliss, Zach = Tom Z., Tim = Ruben, Ross = Cletus, Ewaz = Smith
3. Max time limit: 1 hour, Min time: 1 drink, exception: if wait is long or no fun possible, move along
4. Magic Bar
1. Pick a bar win $5
1. Marcus = Monday’s
2. Tom Z. = PortaBella
3. Cletus = Bullfeathers
4. Ruben = The Pub
5. Smith = Cafe Montemarte
6. Cyliss = Red Shed

---

Bar #1: Regent Street Retreat (Ruben)Enter 2:07

Exit 2:59

Notes: - $1 High Life

- $2 Brats and cheeseburgers

- Phi eagles are fucking us

- Cletus defeat Tom Z. (pool)

- Cyliss = sick

---

Bar #2: Buck’s (Marcus)Enter 3:03

Exit 4:00

Notes: Buck Hunter II Tournament: Tom Z. over Cyliss, Smith over Marcus, Smith over Tom Z. for the title

- OJO = Great Hunter

- Very nice naked lady pics

- Giants win ($100) + 4 team [TIKI BARBER IS ON THE TAKE!]
- 2:55 bartender cajoled us into shots (Kamikazes)

---

Bar #3: Big 10 (Tom Z)Enter 4:05

Exit 4:50

Notes: - Hockey game: tie, goes into overtime RUBEN WINS IN OVERTIME!

- Cyliss: can’t breath through nostrils

- Things have taken a turn for the worse for silas

---

Bar #4: Stillwaters Enter 4:57pm

Exit 5:15

Notes:

- Seated by an Ewaz friend

- It was STRESSED that we will be here only for one drink.

- Mindy chose that next we will go to Vintage Bar & Grill

- Cletus is Jackass

- Fred Game was explained

- Pepper Fake Out Cyliss vs RossCletus

---

Bar #5: Vintage Bar & Grill

Enter 5:20

Exit:

Notes:

- Initial reaction: Frummy

- Tom Z. = insane

- Tom Z. breaks rules and orders vodka + tonic… with a lime and short black straw

- 6:05 = Tom Z is drunk

- Vintage = Vice City

- Cyliss = cig from mouth

- Pit Game = Tim Champion

- Cyliss win all… uses honor… what a champ!

---

Bar #6: Plaza

Enter 6:25

- Marcus and Cletus are drunk

- Cyliss and Tom Z. begin moose and bear hunt

- hockey war also continues

- hockey war = Cletus [unintelligible] dept. store 2 wins

- Drunk Stories:

1. Picaresque Part 1
2. “Shooting Fatigue”
3. Rhonda call #2 took place

- Cyliss is the Moose/Bear Hunting Champion: Bar none.

- I’m writing, I’m drunk: Smith

---

Bar #7: Badgerland Bar & Grill

- Lots of memories shared

- Picture taken in bell pantry

- Smith wins $5 bet

---

Bar #8: Irish Pub

Enter 8:00pm

Exit:

Notes:

- Viewed picture of Marcus and Kenny

- Cletus left for dead

- MGD-LIGHT-IN-A-CAN!

- “I’m not doing this to hurt you cyliss.” - Marcus - S.S.

---

Bar #9: The Pub

Supplemental Dan P.

- Cast: Dan P. = Garrett, Dan P. Girlfriend, Melissa = Britney

- Vodka + Red Bull

---

Bar #10: Orpheum

CHAOS!

- No one wanted to go to Orpheum, we picked again: Best Western Hotel, NO! Then we picked, Tutto Pasta!

Bar #10: Tutto Pasta

Enter 9:35pm

Exit:

- It is a good chance that Smith will puke up yellow mustard stuff tomorrow

- Lynn (Fancy Face) meets us

- We ate dinner

- The drunkards consist of: Tom Z., Smith, Marcus, Cletus, Ruben, FancyFace not drunk yet.

- Women at next table (large breasts) told us to “turn it down”. Tom Z. told them to meet us at King Club.

---

Bar #11: King Club

Enter 10:50pm

Notes:

- $5 cover

- BADGERS WIN! BADGERS WIN! <- 31-28

- 2 belvy gimlets = $14

---

Bar #12: Paradise

Enter 11:20pm

- Marcus was nursed back to health by Tom Z. (Anchor Bank)

- PBR ME ASAP!

- FancyFace’s motto: “It’s Redonculous!”

- Wirkus is ready for the wedding speech!

- Jamal’s motto: “It’s very abrasive!”

---

Bar #13: Madison Maduro

Enter 11:55pm

- Tom Z.’s throat is killing him

- We hate the bartender

- David is ON A DATE! DO NOT BOTHER!

- Tom Z. drinks a Woodchuck Cider

- FancyFace’s special bar is Up North

- Guy said “no shooting” (bartender) (it was weird) (nuff said)

- They need to “as fancyface says” “regrout” their bar.

- Contact Adam Gehrman about regrouting. He knows how to do stuff like that.

- 12:37am: SMITH TAPS OUT!

---

Bar #14: Essen Haus

- Sean buy more pretzels… mmm… mmm… mustard. Quealy —- Go to school… damn it… that mustard is hot.  Wirkus is tearing off pretzels with crazy mustard.

- We are all wasted except Sean

- Harry Potter 2?? from Sean - cin… yes / M.P. Yes

- M.P. Company says go see H.P.2– no says kill myself

---

Bar #15: Up North

Enter God Only Knows

- “low-rise jeans are only made to show panties, especially g-strings” - fancyface

- Kritin Lomas + Cletus = LUV & WHAZZ

- Tom Z. = James Joyce (w/hat)

- Royce da 5′9″ just got signed to the Brewers… infield.

- Ruben = wasted. Threw cigarette on ground rather than give it to fancyface.

- overall a good night

- Marcus: “this meighborhood is not built for mirth”

• Leave a comment... (100)