Penance
An attempt to rectify my biggest mistake.
A solution once it’s gone.
A man, a plan, a canal — Panama!
Sit on a potato pan, Otis
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Big Dinner Plus
The weekend flew by: Friday night at the casino, Saturday night with poker and UFC, and Sunday night with Big Dinner™. And thus we arrive, safe and sound, on the Monday of Thanksgiving week. It used to be Whazzgiving but history is writ by the victors, and that special alt-holiday has now fallen by the wayside. Spacebee and I will go on the Midwest World Tour starting on Wednesday, and we won’t be back until next Sunday so get yer fill.
Spacebee’s been having some frustrating work shifts, and I pissed her off by blowing out of town without telling her on Friday, so I endeavored to make it up to her last night by making an skrillion-course meal. I figured once she was incapacitated by food I could whisper sweet nothings in her ear, gaining her forgiveness. So I did appeteazers including the Mushroom Puffies (half order) and Pita Chips n’ Hummus, followed by an apple cider-brined, mesquite-smoked pork tenderloin, roasted butternut squarsh, and asparagus and prosciutto risotto. Finally, I made a homemade chocolate chip cookie pie with ice cream. I am happy to report that my girlfriend was rolling around on the floor due to her fullness by the end.
Wednesday = snow forecast = BOO!
Finally, I found a neat-o web site today called Walk Score where you can enter your address and find the ‘walkability’ of your neighborhood. The scale goes from 0 (need a car for everything) to 100 (you can easily live there without a car). My current address rates a 72 out of 100, which is classified as ‘Highly Walkable’. That sounds good to me, because I’m going to list my Tahoe on craigslist.com soon to get rid of it. It was the single worst decision of my entire life, and I am going to try to rectify it if I can. So, uh, anyone want a 2003 Tahoe for $10,000? Hit me up, I’m dealin’.
Things I Hate: The Movie
So I was thinking about writing a single post about all the shitty things I’ve encountered recently, and I wanted to shorten it. Hmm, “shitty things”, “shitthings”, “shittings”. Shittings? Fuckin’ Rich Hall and his sniglets. I decided to abandon that tract and just list things that have annoyed me lately. I call it, Getting-Back-To-My-Blogging-Roots-ism.
In no particular order:
- I was reading Newsweek on the plane this morning and there was an article about how America’s relatively recent love affair with ‘anit-bacterial’ shit may not be good for us in the long run. Partly because of the old saw that it will create ’superbugs’, but most of the article detailed how much good bacteria there is in our bodies, and declaring Total War on them would not be good for our health. Things were going along fine until it said that some bacteria in the stomach may actually be responsible for food cravings. In particular, on study found that a certain strain of microbe was responsible for desiring chocolate. Interesting. And what esteemed institute released the study? The Nestlé Research Center. Motherfucker, Newsweek, you’re now regurgitating research from a candy company? You got that follow-up study on the respiratory benefits of Crunch Bars versus Swedish Fish? Idiots.
- The Kansas City International airport can go to hell. Each gate ‘area’ includes from three to five gates, and each has its own security area. So when you switch planes at this hellhole you get off the plane, leave the gate, walk down a hallway, and go through the entire ridiculous sham of ’security’ again before boarding your connecting flight. And until recently, there were no restrooms in the gate areas. So to go to the bathroom you to end up going through security again. Ugh. Just ugh.
- I don’t want to see Bee Movie and Jerry Seinfeld can go to hell. His dumbfuck show wasn’t funny either; it was a bunch of assholes being assholes to humanity. I can see why America fell in love with it.
- I don’t like it when people who aren’t me use my username. You, sir, are trading on my good reputation as a consternated, bitter man.
Still got an hour before this delayed Midwest Airlines flight boards here in fabulous and sophisticated Kansas City. I’ll amuse myself by watching the horde of people in Favre jerseys getting off the flights and running for the exit, their portly bodies and green-n-gold beaded necklaces swaying hypnotically. God save any KC native standing between an invading Packers fan and a bucket of hot wings. Or chili cheese fries. The end.