What In The Hell Was That?
I agree with Cal. All I figured out how to do was crunch that dude’s head over and over again.
Oregon Trail don’t got shit on me– I’m off on a 3 city tour today from San Jose to Los Angelos to St. Louis to Milwaukee. I’m playing the Orpheum in each city, and might just make it home to Madison by midnight. I sure hope I don’t have to sleep on a St. Louis park bench, at any rate.
California was OK but rushed this time out. GMX, if you’re out there, I’m real sorry we didn’t hook up for lunch or dinner. I was scheduled for marathon meetings and just usually ate dinner and then went to sleep to get up early the next morning. But while the extra-curriculars sucked, I did get a lot done at the office for the short time I was there.
UFC and poker tomorrow at my place. HOLLLAR back youngin.
I got the man to do a cartwheel.
I’m stuck in St Louis
The bathroom on the plane is out of order
:(
seventy seven de-gree-la-ree-lee-oos in sunny california today… or so they tell me. in library
all day long. all the live long day so to speak. bladdy blu.
not learning much either. i’m dumb
sev-zip up in whoregon too. whup whup.
i wrote a song, check it:
to the tunal styling of “beat it” by jackson, michael
CHICKENNNNNN! CHICKENNNNNNNNN!
put it to your face and liiiccccck itttt
it doesn’t matter…. thigh or a breast
drumsticks are tasty, wings are the best
it’s chicken.
CHICKENNNNNNNN!@$%!@%!#%
repeat.
if you see a kia commercial with cars driving on a beach, thats exactly where we’re staying. the tv is right by the window and it came on and i had to do a triple take.
the comedic tshirt stores in the area suggest an extremely classist and elitest general attitude. goonies wasn’t exaggerating. i drove down the road where troy held brad’s hand. ANNIE YOU GOOONIEEE)*E@&)*@^#&@$)
the local corner store had a goonies vhs to rent. VHS YOU GOOONIE)%(@#&%)(@&#%
BOOM. KIA.
the giant rock is called “haystack rock” and it’s right across from the place we’re staying. does that look anything like a haystack?? it’s like 150 yards from the break wall, and friggin gigantic… way taller than my dick. it looks like it feel from mars.
Some seebig problem. I’m just not one of them.
won the 55 ploiter. weeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Details, you poof.
Whazzmaster,
Sorry about the landlord letter. It comes as a surprise: I didn’t think we were that loud, especially for a football Saturday.
There was no Rock Band and no rough housing. Yeah, we played cards and yelled at the tv, but I only rated this party a 4 on the Belligerent Cal scale (the pig piñata party is a 10; lawman watching PBS and drinking alone in his undies is a 1).
You might want to consult maddddd on your next move, but a claim of racism might be in order. To end on a happy note: the party was really fun.
figure out which neighbor complained, then tape a sign on their door that says “WELCOME TO GRANDMA’S HOUSE”
optionally attach a shirtless picture of nick swardson all coked up… cause he was in grandma’s boy. this loose association coupled with lawlessness and unbridled aggression will let them know that they seriously fucked up. they crossed the wrong mother fucker, and they know they have to move.
no details in the tourney, but right before it i was in 4th of 9 from 370 in the 22 ploiter. 1st was 1430 and 2nd was 1070. i got all in preflop with A23T double suited vs A36K from the guy right above me. flop came 55K, none of my suits, and i’m out in 9th for $140. PFFFFT. after that hand dude had a 250k to 110k lead on 2nd. THAT COULD BE ME!#(%*&!(#*%^
in the 55 right now… 7th of 51 from 72. the guy i beat heads up is at my table, but i’m chat banned for saying “FCK THIS”.
)(@#&%^)!(#&^)!(#^&)!#(^&
AA2K vs A23 and fucking 554 flops… BOOOM!#!%(&(% ANYTHING BUT A 2 AND I SCOOP! low and i quarter him… was in 8th of 29. 12 pay. Q turn. BOOOO YAHHHHH. SHIPPPPPP ITTTTTT. 2 river. (*#^%(*!^#% RIIGGGGED FUCKING BS SITE> JOKErSTARDSS BS FUCKING SDFKSUD)*(@#&@# !)#(@^&
1 2 in the fucking deck. so fucking rigged. now he has 16k and 2nd has 13k. THAT SHOULD BE ME(*^@#&)!(#^&
FUCK EVERYONE
HOLY SHIT, THE AUTO WORKERS UNION SUPPORTS THE $25B GOVERNMENT BRIDGE LOAN TO AUTO MAKERS!
that should sway congress.
ooooh, now local welder harold says, “y’all should give my boss money if he ain’t got none ta pays me with i spose”
I need a bridge loan to get my poker career back on track.
What is greg’s favorite song?
dude, you suck. what about NaBloPoMo don’t you know about NaBloPoMo? November is National Blog Posting Month and if you have a blog you supposed to write EVERY DAY. one once in a while dick head. i lurk on a few other sites and they are interesting while this one SUCKS. not really, it’s the best one becuase it’s rare to find a maniac like the scientist on those others… mostly just people talking about sewing and crafts and acupuncture or something… anyway today when i was on the bus there was a dude sitting next to me reading some astrology book and the first sentence of the chapter he was reading said:
Pop astrology as saddled Pluto with an aura of lugubrious intrigue.
BOOM LUGUBRIOUS PLUTO BIZITCH! now save the rest of november! NaBloPoMo!!! NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMoNaBloPoMoNaBloPoMoNaBloPoMoNaBlo
i got caught up on NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMo NaBloPoMo and got my quote wrong:
Pop astrology HAS saddled Pluto with an aura of lugubrious intrigue.
it HAS saddled Pluto. Pluto has been saddled with that goopy shit
i need to be studying for my finals but i would like to say one thing, i think it’s important for a blog to have the right funness or, in the alternative, be have a high level of learingness so to speak. i have a learned a little on whazzmaster (i know a river is a thing in poker) but i think my time could be spent more wisely.
this leads me to my main discussion: if we could get oneil to give a weekly lesson on whazzmaster i would be behind that 100 percent. o’neil, i know you sit there, in your underpants, enjoying all of the scientists crap and my often inspired humorific exploits and petersniffs wisco inspired links and mostly wwhaz is dumb but 3 out of 4 aint bad. now it’s time to give back. just one lesson per week on the subject of your choice. i promise you i will learn whatever you teach.
your friend,
cal
i was thinking about vacuums this morning for example. a guy on the radio was explaining why countries fall into the hands of dictators. what happens, he said, is that when a country is polarized politically with only extremes this creates a vacuum and this makes it easy for a dictator to step in and rule. and then i thought about vacuums and how sail boats aren’t getting blown along, what happens is the sail creates a vacuum and the boat is instead sucked along in the water. or the whether, low pressure creates a vacuum and weather rushes in or something. right? i mean, am i right or what? and what’s up with two Us in that word? two Us?
or what about dogs? what does it mean dogs are domesticated? what does that MEAN? would dogs occur in nature? no right? what’s up with that? O’neil, help me out here. other possible items you could discuss:
Coffee; Why There Are So Many Kinds of Trees; Milk: gross or not?; Bones of the Hand; Is my Steel Waterbottle Poisoning Me? (Because It Tastes Like It); Space; Pigeons; Bacteria; A History of the Coffin; What Happened in the 13th Century?
seriously i’ve spent way too much just trying to fix my fantasy sport team and have neglected nearly everything else. YEARS O’NEIL I’VE WASTED WHOLE YEARS. FIX THIS.
CLOSE THE ITAL YOU IDIOT!
to recap:
Pop astrology has saddled Pluto with an aura of lugubrious intrigue.
NaBloPoMo!
O’neil!
Dogs!
13th Century? Magna Carta maybe? no way that was a lot earlier huh.
I am the dumbest man alive.
holy crap the magna carta was issued in 1215.
screw it O’neil
I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!
I like to think of this website as a virtual birdcage for the madd scientist. Pootweet!
Leave oneil alone: he hates you.
i have a tech boner for the blackberry storm.
not sure what they cost buy i’m willing to go $258.80 each for 2 with 2 year contracts. whenever i can get that price point i’m buying.
holy crap, only $199.99 with a 2 year deal. for some reason i heard they were like $600. come out in 2 days. i don’t think my sprint is up for a few months though… got it in san diego. hope i didn’t get a 2 year contract with that one.
phone contracts can suck my nuts. cal never cals me anywya.
hey should i get that? i need a new phone. is it cool? easy to use? cheap monthly? that’s why i am staying away from the iphone… i can’t afford no 85 a month. no sir.
remember how my law school tells me to say up until midnight to register then when i do the fucking website crashes? that was great.
you’ll probably end up 50-100/mo. depends on how much access you want… just email with a transfer cap would be cheapest (if they even offer that) or full unlimited internet / sms might be $85+. it’s does everything the iphone, but uses a standard headphone jack, can record video, the screen is like a flat screen of real touch response buttons, and all the reviews say it’s done perfect. i think you should get it and figure out a way to afford the data plan.
i’m off to diamond lil’s… giving the chumps on pokerstars a break tonight. i got a shot of tequila, a cup of oregon wine, and a frozen whiskey slush to leave in the car which will gradually melt and be delicious at 3:30am when i take a car break to light fires and pop tires.
HOLLLLLLLLLLLLARIT
liquor consumed. time to role. i hope “shades with the fades” is there tonight. that’s what i call him in my head. one time he went on a racial rant to the floor about how “white boys and asians” don’t get in trouble. he was super out of line before he got in trouble, so this was the straw… i said “a dark skinned racist… this must have been the change obama was talking about”. dude left for an hour, came back and won 4 racks from the table raising every hand… of course beating my AA capped 6 ways when his 53 tripped up runner runner. he was like 6′5″ 220, DARK, wearing a crapo blue jacket and black sunglasses straight from ace’s true value hardware with a 1993 hightop fade.
“shades with the fades”. one of my favorite characters.
“smiley” is my 2nd favorite. he’s just just S.W.T.F., but no shades, no hair, and he’s always smiling like round face dude from boyz II men. actually, i think it might be dude from B2M fo realz. he plays 2-4, then 20-40, then 8-16, then 2-4… i think he props, but i’m not sure. he’s REDiculous though.
shit i need to leave
Me watching PBS is a 4 at least. And I don’t know enough to teach lessons, but here goes: milk is kind of gross on its own, but its good in cereal and oatmeal, and cheese and other dairy products are generally tasty. Your steel water bottle is poisoning you, but a lot slower than that plastic one you traded it in for. Pigeons are also known as rock doves, and young pigeons are called squab and are supposed to be delicious.
winner winner pigeon dinner.
tom green buys a pigeon in san francisco’s chinatown… then sets it free, but it just wants to die and be eaten
what are white pigeons called?
Nice lesson. Too bad cal missed it because he overslept. He was up until midnight.
i’m getting a sour taste in my mouth for those tobacco lofts. the only reason you would want to live in a giant open modern environment like that is if you liked entertaining. what kind of person moves in there and then complains on a saturday night?! were they pissed you didn’t invite them over? just fart on anyone you see in the hallway.
cal, go buy a pigeon for $6, and then cook it.
awesome! squab!
is it mike d’s birthday? gee, it might be. 43.
the Mike stands for Money and the D is for Diamonds. Happy Birthday Mike D!
i was sad when you took up golf! i still am! but it’s ok, you’re 43!
technical cat wrestling training, then trouble shows up
maybe your neighbors had their own hoity toity moldy goat tit sweat tasting party (cheese… you’re right cal, definately worth 2nd guessing), and they were sick of hearing someone proclaim “WELLLLLLLLLL. WELL, IT’S THE BIGG SHOWWWW#%!%!@#$” every 19 seconds. i would have made a game out of it… like every time we hear them yell “IT’S THE BIGG SHOWWWW#%!%!@#$” then we all eat some cheese and scream back, “FAGS.”
i wish i could live in the tobacco lofts… ** dreamy sigh **
hmm… pretty sure after that o’neil pees on their front door. i guess complaining was their only non-door-pissed-on move.
big lines for blackberry storm today. popped RIMM’s share price 6%. i still have it as strong buy.
you get one?
You think skeezer stood in a line?
not yet… waiting for my sprint contract to run out. storm is only on verizon. fucking exclusivity deals… that is how RIMM makes a lot of money, but in the end i think they make more without the deals… but maybe the government is involved so 1 network provider doesn’t get too big, and consumers are used to switching to get the specific phone they want. either way, it is the exact opposite of free market anything, and it makes me want to piss on the front door of the united states. even weirder is the blackberry bold, their 2nd best product that still uses the fixed real button keyboard in their classic form factor is exclusive on AT&T. so fucking rigged.
more importantly, did cal get one?
no because you didn’t talk me into it at all. pitch it man! i’m not buying into this phone craze anyway. when the iphone came out a friend of mine said his life was 20% better because of his iphone and i DOUBT THAT. this was after he sipped his bavarian brew or what ever that JERK wwazzz said. JERK! anyway, i think in a lot of ways when your phone becomes a computer its a step backwards. i don’t want some janky ass internet slowness to suck my time. i don’t need my email on my phone. i don’t need an ipod on my phone. i don’t need video games on my phone. i don’t care about that shit i don’t need it. for free, i’ll take it, but i’m not going out of my way for any of it.
whzaamaster you have one… did it change your life? am i being stupid. is this like me not giving up my good old horse for some dumb “automobile”. or what. OR WHAT????? oneil? what telephone device to you employ? DO YOU EMPLOY?????? jerks.
As much as I freakin hate cal, I agree. When my Sprint contract runs out, I’m getting a jitterbug.
dude, this is like the NaBloPo-NO around here. if anybody out there uses gmail go to your gmail settings - then find “themes” then click on the “Terminal” setting… at the bottom. then you will be cool like your pal cal.
9:44 pm. whatever.
central time = wack
wait a minute… you got this thing set to eastern time? i hate you!
eastern time? EASTERN TIME?
I’m happy with classic.
I do want a truce though.
cal, do you want your telephone device to be capable to store a list of contacts, so you can find “maddddddddddd” in the list and press the “call”, or would you rather have to remember that my number is 1-888-CAL-SUXX on your junk 1986 cancer brick and press “SND”?
once you go contact list, you have a computer. once you have a computer, inevitably, you have the inevitable.
the blackberry storm compliments your life, cal. it won’t make it 20% better, i promise you that. instead it will give you 100% more of a life with a blackberry storm personal communication device. it’s not just a computer… the blackberry storm enjoys your computer. it’s programmed that way. share your latest lap times with it, and when a chart is presented suggesting you put too much milk on cereal… don’t say “thank you”…. just press the “thank you” button.
damn… it enjoys your company, not enjoys your computer. i tried to humanize the phone and stupidified myself.
i wonder if those communist busy bees put together the very phone i’ll eventually purchase?
** dream sigh ** exploited communists
this phone is so fucking good that is has a “thank you” button on it FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.
so you don’t have to dig through the menus… it’s just right there. because you’ll find yourself looking to use it so often.
IT ENJOYS YOUR COMPANY! IT’S PROGRAMMED THAT WAY!
Still going jitterbug.
the emergency one that only has 2 buttons to call either 911 or your grandkids?
dude, put me in as your grandkid. i’ll keep the bad beat stories short… 30 minutes a month for only $20! welcome to the future!
quindo is way up on postmodernism. he picked out his new favorite buddy toy… it’s an alligator wearing a polo shirt with a human embroidered on it. oh, quindo.
what the f
trying to post a link but MC NOSPAMMER keeps eating my post-esses
some other dude misspells it too, you should email the guy
just say: brother, i’ve been looking for you my whole life. let’s be misspelled together and enjoy each others misspelled company.
in this one, kid n play have to take care of a baby. can you believe it???
BABY, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT, IF YOU DON’T GET UPTIGHT.
sweet answering “machine”
hey, what was that crazy old rapper, i put a song on a mix for the skeez and whazzmaster once…. all i remember is that he said his indian name was “steals your girl” or something… think! i want to research him using the powers of the internet. but i can’t think of his name…
so i can stand strong, hold my ground, nobody can budge rise, i was hit by a bus, ten people on that bus died</a
When I hear blackberry, I picture a ball of shit. Add the storm and you got thousands of tiny shit balls. I can see the appeal of being Amish. Maybe I want to be a new kind of Amish that keeps things at June of 2000 and does away with the praying.
We will rock the beard.
The sitar is an underrated instrument. Looks hard as shit to play and sounds awesome.
skeeze, you’re in as a grandkid. Cal is 911, even though he is dead to me until fantasy baseball starts.
no single fruit refreshes like the five in five alive.
Amish2000! i’m in for this!
ah! fake cal! fake cal!!! bastard!
wait, not fake cal… sorry, i was on the wrong day.