Wackity Schmackity Doooo

Nothing doing last week or this week.  For those that follow these sorts of things, NEXT weekend is Iowa!  Knock, knock… who’s there? Cal. Cal who? Cal in his yellows; gimme the fuckin’ whazz title! I’ll tie it to a brick and throw it through your window.  Not funny!

Wackity schmackity dooooo!

PS– When I said NEXT weekend I meant the weekend AFTER the next one.  I.e., March 20th.  It caused confusion with the trip planner, so a correction is due to you fine folk.  Seeya in Iowa, Cal!

Whatta Weekend

Spacebee's Birthday Hat

It was quite a celebratory weekend here in Madison; we pretty much partied straight through from Friday at 5pm when we set out for a fondue dinner of epic proportions.  Three hours later I was filled with tiny bits of boiled meat, veggies, and chocolate-covered rice krispies.  We met a few pals and then dove into more celebrations, and long story short I woke up Saturday morning not feeling the greatest.

A Spacebee coworker was retiring and had a bash at the Hilldale Great Dane on Saturday.  Free beer from 4pm until 7pm started things off, and I hilariously fell asleep at wwhazz’s with a beer in hand around midnight.  Hey: two consecutive party nights don’t agree with my 31 year old bones.  So sue me.

Alas, I think the Iowa trip has been delayed.  Consolations to belly for her loss, and hope everything goes well next weekend.  Diamond Jo will always be there, and I’ll be ready to stick my finger in the small of his back and whisper “gimme everything you got.”

I’m super behind on TNG on my DVR… need to sit down and catch up. I saw that Time’ Arrow is on there and excitement can’t describe my feelings.  HELP A FORTY NINER! HE’S GOT A BAD COUGH! OH NOES, AN ALIEN STOLED HIS LIFE FORCE! GUINAN, HALP! TIME WARP! PICARD IS A DANDY FOP! DATA IS A FRENCHMAN! SAMUEL CLEMENS OF THE 24TH CENTURY!

Settle for a Slowdown

Peninsula State Park

After an extremely busy holiday-and-January things have slowed down a bit (which is just fine by me.)  February was marked by a hectic work schedule, and even that’s starting to subside so let’s have some fun!

First on the docket: WIZP!  Lately I’ve really gotten back into Street Fighter IV.  What with Super Street Fighter IV coming out in April and the new MvC Fight Stick that Jay procured last week, I’ve been laying down a shitload of hadokens and shoryukens.

So shoot, what else. Whatelsewhatelsewhatelse.  Tattoos! We will all get tattoos of our rad name.  What is our rad name? SuperAwesomeCalsForever? That’s MY idea.

I’m looking forward to two things at this point:

1. Iowa trip (with additional guest appearance by my brother)
2. Vegas trip (because we haven’t been in a long time)

…and you can take that to the bank, Shakesman.

Spacebee’s birthday is this weekend. Wish her a happy birthday, Cal.  Or else.

Downhill From Here

Zach & Stacy at Big Powderhorn

Well, we got back safe and sound from Da Up North, Eh?  Had a ball in Bessemer with spacebee and the family.  As I mentioned earlier, we were afforded the unique opportunity to watch The Super Bowl at bucketheads in uptown Rhinelander.  They had $1.50 Miller Lites and free Hores Durves set out in back.  I drank three buckets of Jameson and then Stacy drove us ‘home’ to the Quality Inn.

I goddamned hate Super Bowl commercials.  “Here’s a talking (noun), buy our shit!”  “Here’s a wacky man-child (verbing) a (noun), buy our shit!”  “Here’s Tim Tebow, don’t get an abortion or prenatal care!”   Eat shit, Tim Tebow.

I skied for three days and fell down three times; that’s a shitload better than last year and I consider it a resounding success.  Let the mountains ring with God’s graciousness and ma-jest-fucking-ty!  We also returned to the infamous Pub N’ Grub for Thursday night karaoke.  All the old pals from last year were there and, again, by the end of the evening I was Marcus-n-Mcteague’n it with all of them.  Six dollar pitchers of Miller Lite and Jameson shots will do that, son. On the way back home I desperately wanted to go to (in order) the Watersmeet casino, the Lake of the Torches casino, and Ho-Chunk.  By the time we got south enough to consider Ho-Chunk, however, I just wanted to sleep on the couch the rest of the day. So… no Ho-Chunk.  I still owe wwhazz a night at the Canfield for his birthday, though, so anyone that wants in on that is welcome.

Wwhazz, thanks for doing our cat for a week.

There’s not a lot of upcoming events here at Whazzmaster Central– spacebee’s birthday is at the end of the month and at the same time (coincidentally) as my Yearly Start of Daily Wishing It Would Warm Up Already, Dammit.  I got her a birthday gift: The Big Minnie. Black. Clean. Tight Curl. Turquoise bead wrap.  Now that I look at the description that way I can’t decide whether I bought her a hat or a dildo. Say lah vee.

I really, really gotta get TNG on the Tivo.  We’ll make a space for it amid Spacebee’s ten thousand episodes of Criminal Minds.  There must be some room in all that serial killing for Data’s quest for humanity or Troi in a skin-tight leotard.  I assume that somewhere in history someone has already made a joke about a leotard being a retarded leopard, but the word still looks weird when I type it.

Pickles and grapes!

Leave a Message

I’m in a Rhinelander motel right now, watching super bowl highlights and drinking continental breakfast coffee. We’ll be in the UP for the week with my family; net access will be sketchy so I hope y’all have a ball.

My thoughts on the SB: love that the saints won and thought calls like the onside kick and 4th-and-1 at the goalline were awesome calls you don’t see often in the super bowl. We listened to the first half on Chicago AM radio and watched the second half at Bucketheads bar in delightful uptown Rhinelander, which was fun as shit.

Get along little doggies.

Thank You For Being A Friend

You’d have to think that this is a joke.  A bunch of jokesters got together and joked it up until they decided to make a fake website and put their joke out there for all the world to see.  It may be a joke! I don’t think it’s a joke. Ladies and gentlefops… The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals

So much good stuff in there.  Like:

The most unexpected segment of this show’s fanbase was America’s young men. In the 80s, these were boys too delicate for sports, too awkward for girls, too “artistic” for labor-intensive work and too flamboyant for peer acceptance in high school. With no real adults in sight, these poor children became obsessed with the poorly conceived characters on this show. Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.

Or how’s about:

Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn’t mind each other’s theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility– the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of “camp.”

All links and bolding are in the original.

Erm, I grew up in the 80s. I watched Golden Girls from time to time.  I never went to any cheesecake gay parties to watch it, though.  Sometimes I get to thinking about what would make some nut write an article like this.  I will still allow that it’s one enormous joke, but if it’s not then I believe this is simply a personal experience retold.  I mean, in the fantastical reaches of my perverted mind I couldn’t conceive of a party where a dozen “teens and twentysomethings” watched golden girls, partied hard to cheesecake and gabfests, and then had an orgy.

This is Daily Cardinal-level stupidity (speaking of which, we never heard back from Kay Van Pay!)  This is an outrage! Or it could still be the greatest joke ever played on a christian news site!  Not sure!

A Short Treatise on Football Players and Comedians

Jay Leno == Brett Favre

They’re both old fucks who don’t know when to give it up.  The End.

WIZP

And now for my semi-random feature: what is Zach playing. Once again my games plate is overflowing. I’m switching back and forth quite a bit…

1. Jay got me a copy of Darksiders for xmas– I think I’ve gotten too used to carebear tutorials in new games because the first stage of this game kicked my goddamn shit.  The story, graphics, and everything else are awesome, but I’m still wary of games that have so many actions that important ones (that I need to use to survive) are mapped to things like: Use left control stick towards enemy and right bumper while pressing X.  All that means is that when I need to do something important my dude spazzes out while I try to figure out the button combos.  Then he usually dies.  I’ll report back more when I’ve played it.
2. After much, much prodding and watching Jay play it a million times I started to try to play League of Legends.  It’s like eleventy dimensional chess; 5v5 fights on a (deceivingly) simple map where you choose from one of 40 champions or so.  All of them have different abilities, all of them work differently in different team-ups/match-ups, and as with any competitive internet game is filled with arrogant douchebags.This a video where someone explains how to control spacing fer christs sake.

3. Patch 3.3 of World of Warcraft dropped in early December when I was in California.  They added a mechanic for doing cross-server grouping for dungeons that is real easy.  Match that with the fact that they buffed those dungeons to have awesome rewards and I’ve been running at least one a day.
4. Playing a lot of Defender Chronicles on my iPhone when I’m just siting around.   Awesome game.
5. I got to the very end of Dragon Age: Origins but didn’t finish it; I just petered out in the last dungeon for whatever reason.  Maybe I’ll finish at some point.
6. Almost forgot! Steam was having a sale after Xmas and I was able to get Torchlight for $4.99, which is just a Saint Vinnies bargain for what you get.  A really cool simple dungeon crawl game.

Lots of deadlines at work this week, and wwhazz/belly are going to be on vacation.  Cal’s new year enthusiasm will have to carry us through on its own.

Also, for those that read down this far on my posts: wiki.whazzmaster.com

Thank You Jay

This is really good. You should watch it. Happy New Year. Also, I’m a-cookin’ a-somethin’ up. I’m just waiting on some tech support issues to be resolved.

My Saturday

Today I spent an hour at Garys Hobby Center and then ate a sub from Lee’s Deli. All in all a great experience!