Downhill From Here

Zach & Stacy at Big Powderhorn

Well, we got back safe and sound from Da Up North, Eh?  Had a ball in Bessemer with spacebee and the family.  As I mentioned earlier, we were afforded the unique opportunity to watch The Super Bowl at bucketheads in uptown Rhinelander.  They had $1.50 Miller Lites and free Hores Durves set out in back.  I drank three buckets of Jameson and then Stacy drove us ‘home’ to the Quality Inn.

I goddamned hate Super Bowl commercials.  “Here’s a talking (noun), buy our shit!”  “Here’s a wacky man-child (verbing) a (noun), buy our shit!”  “Here’s Tim Tebow, don’t get an abortion or prenatal care!”   Eat shit, Tim Tebow.

I skied for three days and fell down three times; that’s a shitload better than last year and I consider it a resounding success.  Let the mountains ring with God’s graciousness and ma-jest-fucking-ty!  We also returned to the infamous Pub N’ Grub for Thursday night karaoke.  All the old pals from last year were there and, again, by the end of the evening I was Marcus-n-Mcteague’n it with all of them.  Six dollar pitchers of Miller Lite and Jameson shots will do that, son. On the way back home I desperately wanted to go to (in order) the Watersmeet casino, the Lake of the Torches casino, and Ho-Chunk.  By the time we got south enough to consider Ho-Chunk, however, I just wanted to sleep on the couch the rest of the day. So… no Ho-Chunk.  I still owe wwhazz a night at the Canfield for his birthday, though, so anyone that wants in on that is welcome.

Wwhazz, thanks for doing our cat for a week.

There’s not a lot of upcoming events here at Whazzmaster Central– spacebee’s birthday is at the end of the month and at the same time (coincidentally) as my Yearly Start of Daily Wishing It Would Warm Up Already, Dammit.  I got her a birthday gift: The Big Minnie. Black. Clean. Tight Curl. Turquoise bead wrap.  Now that I look at the description that way I can’t decide whether I bought her a hat or a dildo. Say lah vee.

I really, really gotta get TNG on the Tivo.  We’ll make a space for it amid Spacebee’s ten thousand episodes of Criminal Minds.  There must be some room in all that serial killing for Data’s quest for humanity or Troi in a skin-tight leotard.  I assume that somewhere in history someone has already made a joke about a leotard being a retarded leopard, but the word still looks weird when I type it.

Pickles and grapes!

Leave a Message

I’m in a Rhinelander motel right now, watching super bowl highlights and drinking continental breakfast coffee. We’ll be in the UP for the week with my family; net access will be sketchy so I hope y’all have a ball.

My thoughts on the SB: love that the saints won and thought calls like the onside kick and 4th-and-1 at the goalline were awesome calls you don’t see often in the super bowl. We listened to the first half on Chicago AM radio and watched the second half at Bucketheads bar in delightful uptown Rhinelander, which was fun as shit.

Get along little doggies.

My Saturday

Today I spent an hour at Garys Hobby Center and then ate a sub from Lee’s Deli. All in all a great experience!

Good to be Back

Kangaroo Lake

We had a really fun time up in Door County this weekend.  Check, check Teh Flickr for some great pics from Peninsula State Park and Kangaroo Lake.

There was a lot of wine, booze, and food had by all, and we had to work it off eventually– my personal favorite was the two hour bike ride through Peninsula in the rain and cold.  Mercifully, at the the end of the ride we climbed to the top of Eagle Tower.  Long story short: ride uphill seven miles, then climb a giant tower.  Fun…

It looks like the Bay Bridge fell apart yesterday– wow, great repair job fellas.  I can only assume mass chaos in the Yay Area today so good luck on everyone’s commute!

Not much else to report. Er, what’re y’all dressing as for Halloween?

Looong Weekend

Door County Barn

We’re heading up to Door County for a long weekend to kick it with both Spacebee’s and my parents.  Everyone’s gathering for a nice fall weekend in the North Woods; if all goes well the rain will be kept to a minimum and we’ll get to… I dunno, go on a hayride or some shit.  I wouldn’t mind heading up to Warshington Island to hit the hotel for a coffee and some wine.

So all the rest of y’all have a good time yourselves this weekend– we won’t be back until Wednesday.  I say Cla and Madd call an uneasy truce and meet for tea and crumpets on Treasure Island.  Then maybe play some Battlebots or some shit; I dunno.

RAHHR!

What was I talking about? Bluegill? Fuck that– s’all about TROUT now, holmes.  Two weeks ago Lawman and I went out to Salmo Pond and I hooked some bass while he brought in three nice trout.  He even gave me one to take home and cook and it was delicious.  I can’t wait to go out there again.

This weekend wasn’t it, though, as Spacebee and I went on another World Tour from Madison down to Aurora, IL and then back up to Racine for a Memorial Day Cookout & Beer Pong Spectacular.  That was fun games day/brat patty fest.  And speaking of brats, we also hit Brat Fest over at the Alliant Energy Center on Saturday.  Every year that thing gets a little more extravagent– this year they had carnival rides, two music stages, a gigantic condiment tent, and KAYAK RIDES.  Dollar fifty brats ain’t bad neither.

On the way home from Racine we stopped at Potowatami so Spacebee could turn in her silver key for a “chance to win” $100,000.  I’m quoting it because it’s stretching things like plastic man with his dick stuck in his zipper to say that that fucking travesty is even a contest.  In this “contest” they will announce a $1,000 winner every day at 8am and 8pm from now until June 19th.  The catch: you not only have to present to win the $1000, but you have to check in within SEVEN MINUTES or they will pick a new name.  Now, let’s just say you manage to sprint from wherever you are in the casino to where you have to check in.  You get your 1K, and then you get to pick from 3 magical fucking treasure chests.  One of them has a golden ticket, which gets you an entrance to the Grand Prize drawing.  Of course, you also must be present to win the $100,000 grand prize.  I don’t know, but presume, that you must claim it within 13 seconds if you are announced as the winner.  Of course, this is the same brand of Not-A-Contest Contest that we have seen so much from the Milwaukee Brewers (often in league with the very same sham casino).  Example: “If Dave Bush throws a no-hitter and the runs add up to 21 and JJ Hardy hits for the cycle in the 10th inning one lucky fan wins a $100 gift certificate to Dream Dance!”  Fuck you, Potowatami Bingo & Casino.

So, the Brewers suck this year.  I’m really, really leaning on the fact that they play 5 out of every 4 games on the goddamned road so far this year while the Cubs whup on Pitssburgh at home seemingly every other game, but who knows at this point.  The pitching rotation is a certified mess, the pen is already shitty, and up and down the lineup dudes can’t buy a hit.  That’s not a winning formula.  And now Melvin is picking up any old broke-dick dog free agent with a 102.7 ERA which should be a terrific solution to the woes.  I say someone coat a tack with roids and put it on Gagne’s clubhouse chair.  Or something.  I’m not even sure at this point.

Next week we’re camping up in Door County so I’ll be indisposed.  Either it will be a fun trip or I’ll be buried alive in a terrifying avalanche of spiders.  The former brings untold riches of stories and anecdotes; the latter brings horrific death and this story holding the front page in perpetuity.  Seeya, cowboy.

A Royal Melter

Yesterday was the first Big Meeting™ between the Spacebee Family and the Moneypenny Family.  There had already been a Small Meeting™ between Jack and Al, but this one was full-fledged.  We planned a big tailgate for the Brewers/Royals game on Sunday, June 23rd.

I’m glad to say it went off without a hitch.  The only problem was the brutal heat inside the game (more on that below).  Outside it was a veritable cornucopia of fun!  The Lettows brough up a game of washers and beanbags, and we even had a purloined 6′ table for beer pong.  The Freedom Grill was churning out brat after burger after brat patty after burger, and we even brought a 1/2 bbl of High Life for th’ sharin’.

It was an all-fan Bill Hall bobblehead giveaway too, with a select few getting the pink bat Bill Hall in the throwback uniform.  Through a series of shrewd trades I got my hands on the throwback Bill Hall, and he’s bobbling away on my bookcase as we speak.

Once we got into the stadium for the 1:00 game, however, things turned ugly.  The roof was open, and the sun beat down on us without mercy.  Everyone there was horribly sunburned, and when the game went into extra innings there was a faintly audible groan from the collective sellout crowd.  We stayed as long as we could, and then retreated to the cars again for more beer and brats.

Ridiculously, when wwhazz first got into the truck to ride home he chuckled that everyone was so sunburned except him.  “Chumps,” was his sneered insult to those with such sensitive skin that a little thing like 6 hours in the hot sun would hurt them.  Then he passed out.  Upon waking as we drove through Cottage Grove, he was horrified to learn that, in fact, his delicate skin was burned just like the rest of us chumps.  Pffffffffffft.

So now we’ve got about 1/2 of a 1/2 bbl left for Monday NIGHT RAW IS WAR!  Come on over, chumps.

Brewers Win! Packers, Not So Much

In honor of my return to Wisconsin my mom got some SWANK~! tickets to the Brewers game versus the Astros today. Section 119 behind home plate, 8 rows up. So my parents, sister, and I attended the Dave Bush’s four hit shutout win 4-0 today. While we were shopping in the FanZone today, however, the Packer/Bear game got underway and things are not looking pretty.

I played the numbers today and picked the Italian Sausage in the Race. I was a bit dismayed when I found out it was a relay race and I’d be counting on a midget italian to finish it for my dough, but my fears were not realized as the Tiny Italian was the only sausage NOT to bungle the handoff and I got an easy $15 from my family. I was happy to get that so when the Attendance came up I blithely shouted out “THREE! THREE!” To my delight, it was THREE! and I won another $15. Oh happy day. And I finally got the shirt I’d been lusting after for years along with two new hats. I had to pick lightly coz I wasn’t sure what Spacebee had bought me last weekend.

Last night I went out in Racine with a cast of thousands anchored around my brother and sister. We were celebrating my brother’s fiance’s birthday and it turned out it was Luau Night at All-Sports Pub. Holy crap, $60 goes a loooooooooong way in Wisconsin bars. I’d forgotten how long. The answer is: looooooooooooong.

I’ll be kickin’ it in Racine for a few more days before the grand reveal of Spacebee to my family on Wednesday, then I’m heading up to Madison until the next Friday (though most of next week I’ll be participating in recruiting activities at the university).

HOLLLARIT whazzmaster, and go Packers.

Happy Birthday Ashley!

Happy 22nd Birthday! I’ve got your gift, and you’ll get it when I get home on Friday. Til then– seeya in the funny pages.

–dear god not the family circus

[UPDATE]: On This Day in 2004 I announced on Whazzmaster that Wirkus and Jessi were getting married. Huzzah! A few choice comments on that and the subsequent thread:

[December 22, 2004 10:27 AM] by sean
Congtrats wirkus. Im pretty amazed. If youre having a wedding ill be there. ill hop a bus and make the long trip through mexico. also if your cruise is going to take you by honduras or nicaragua let me know an ill say hi. whazz out.

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[December 22, 2004 02:37 PM] by wirkus
Well thank you to all you congratulators. Sean, hi! Hi, Sean! I’m sure my lovely fiancé would also say thank you if she were not so busy bouncing all over the great state of WI. How did I trick her into it? First I took my credit card to a jewelry shop and demanded their most sparkly ring. The sparkle coupled with my age advantage was enough to manipulate her. Hardee har har. No really, we’ve been dating for two years and things are going well, so it seemed like the most logical next step. As far as the wedding goes, you all have some time. Next summer or fall, a good year and a half. Unless you want a bag lunch affair held in a local pasture. But yeah… I’m happy, she’s happy and Parker too seems to be ok with it, so I guess everybody wins except for anyone with a secret crush on either Jessi or me. Whazz on

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[December 22, 2004 10:40 PM] by bellgirl
Thanks for all of the congratulations, I’m currently looking into which pastures will be open this summer so I’ll keep you posted Cal. I want you to be there even if you do get in a fight with some of the cows.
But for real, I am very happy and floating on cloud nine with graduating last Sunday, getting engaged on Tuesday, x-mas this friday and a cruise next week, I wish life was always full of this much fun! Hope everyone else is having fun during the holidays, we’ll keep you posted about the pasture!!

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Whazzmaster.com: Ending Marriages Since 2005