Old Posts, New Friends.

BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING MUST CREDIT WM.COM

Exciting news!  I’ve been officially added to another Enemies List! More details as they become available…

The Can-do Hotel

Our stay at the Canfield Hotel

Last night we bombed down to the Tri-State area (or is it the Quad Cities?) to have a fine old time at the Canfield Hotel and Diamond Jo’s casino (formerly a riverboat, now a Bellagio-esque resort).

Bottom line: it was the most fun of my goddamned life and I want to go again.

I wrote a review on Google Maps for the Canfield Hotel:

Great place! Affordable rates and it’s real close to the downtown area and the Diamond Jo casino. The native american mannequins in the lobby create a verisimilitude that can’t be matched, and the room was great– clean, with interesting furnishings displaying a love of cats, big and small. After waking from a night of casino action, however, I found out that the weird coffee cups near the coffeemaker had no bottoms and any liquids poured in ended up on the floor. The Rainbow Lounge in the lobby had good folks singing karaoke, too. Long story short, I will definitely stay at the Canfield again.

I gave the place 4 stars; truthfully I wanted to go 4 1/2 stars but Google’s reviews do not afford the reviewer the luxury of half-stars.  Lawman got some pictures of the Native American mannequins so maybe I’ll get those up here at some point; they’re very realistic, inexplicable, and terrifying when you first walk in.

The night was extremely fun and exciting.  It involved roulette, a fun craps session where I had two pretty good rolls, a Blackjack Buttraping, a profitable two rounds of bowling at the Cherry Lanes (apparently the bowling location of choice for recording artist Jewel according the website), some teams of douchebags at the poker tables, and much much more.

The night ended with wwhazz running many blocks to get to an ATM and back before the Rainbow Lounge bar (located in the hotel) closed for the evening.  He almost made it, too!  He also used magic and made pizzas appear right before we passed out.  There was somewhat of a row in the lobby when several gentlemen tried to apparently sneak with us up to our room to get at our pizzas and beer?  I didn’t get it; they weren’t staying in the hotel and we sure as shit didn’t invite them to accompany us.  The last thing I remember is timmer picking up his whole mattress like the incredible hulk and throwing it at me.  Then: poof, I was out like a light.

Short story long: the Canfield Hotel, Diamond Jo’s, and Cherry Lanes get my highest recommendation!  Fun fun fun!

What’s This I Hear?

Ok, so there’s a reason I’ve been MIA for awhile, and it sure ain’t cuz I was in the MIA.  We’ve got a big release coming out at work on July 7th and I’ve been frantic for awhile now (pretty much ever since I got back from California.)

But Cal has to go get engaged and make me break my radio silence. Lookit this guy *jerks thumb*: he got down on one bruised runner’s knee, doffed his floppy brown hat, and said, “will you be my Mrs. Cal?”  And can you believe it? She said yes!  I hear through the Intercontinental Grapevine that it will be le International Affaire (probably not in a cow pasture).  Congratulations on your engagement and your new clown car/death trap!  Now when I’m out in California we can go on romantic trips through the mountains in your SMART CAR.

Meanwhile, Scientist fucking blew my mind again and moved to, where?, Santa Monica? I was there once.  It was ok.  Maybe I’ll fly in and visit once Southwest Airlines starts going out of Milwaukee in the fall.  Summer is moving quickly this year, ladies and gentlefops; get out and enjoy it.

Big Newz

Guess what: Spacebee and I are engaged. We went down to Miami for her Golden Birthday and soon enough I was down on one knee offering her a lifetime of love, support, and Friday night fish frys. Kneel down, serfs, and honor your new queen. She may rule whazzmaster.com with an iron fist, or she may hide in the shadows to avoid court intrigue; we don’t know yet.

We’re staying at the Trump International resort on the beach– that guy with the ridiculous hair makes a pretty fancy hotel. We are also the only Americans staying here; everyone else is French or Brazilian.

BEach, ya heard?!

UPDATE: Here’s some pictures of the trip…

FireDaleSveum.com

Well, it finally happened, though it remains to be seen if the season can yet be salvaged.  The Brewers are 3-11 so far this month, and the Cubs are still fucking throwing no-hitters and I’m about to punch a hole in the wall.  Just kidding– after last year I’m trying to remain cool and calm in the face of an epic collapse.  As much as last year sucked, and as much as it would (originally typed ‘will’ right there) suck to not make the playoffs this year I council Milwaukee Brewer Fans to hold out hope.

…

Because NEXT year is gonna fucking suck donkey nuts when we lose CC and Sheets, and Rickie Weeks will STILL strike out all the time, and we’ll STILL be saddled with a very expensive Bill ‘I-hit-30-homers-one-time,-remember?’ Hall.  It’s gonna be terrific– I can’t wait.

Now, perhaps the Brewers can still make something out of this year.  Anything goes once you make the playoffs, and the Brewers have the pure talent to make a run once they get into the postseason.  The big BUT, however, is that they gotta get there first.  After holding their dicks while the rest of the league caught them in the wild card race, now it will (AGAIN!) come down to the final series.  Six of the last 12 games are against the Cubs– blech.  I sure hope that someone, somewhere, is destroying the Brewers locker room right now in a rage to try to convince them THAT THIS REALLY MATTERS.   Alas, I doubt it.

So, how ’bout them Packers?

Drenched

Let’s start off-topic and see if we can meander our way back to my original thought: this sounds like the coolest Chuck E. Cheese evar.

So I’ve had a week off for vacation, and what a week it was! Wisconsin got hit by a hojillion tornados, Lake Goddamned Delton was wiped off the map, spacebee and I were in Door County during all of this, and *SURPRISE!* the Brewers still suck balls on the road.

We were camping at Peninsula State Park and had prepared ourselves for a wet outing. In an eruption of sheer genius, Lawman offered his screen tent thing in case we had to sit around in the rain for a few hours(days). We arrived Wednesday evening and got things setup ok, played some beer pong and made dinner. Scads of June Bugs and hundreds of thousands of mosquitos drove us into our tent tent pretty early in the night. Thursday we awoke to the patter-patter of rain on the tent, and I had to run to the toilets in the pouring rain in flip-flops. The running was less about the rain and more about the sounds coming from my bowels. The rain continued more or less until the late afternoon so we didn’t get to do a whole lotta stuff we’d planned like rent bikes or go hiking. Meh.

Friday was very nice but we spent most of the prime time (daylight) looking at various houses my parents were interested in buying. As many of you know, they’ve had trouble selling their house in Racine and need somewhere to live now that they’ve both moved to Door County. In the end they decided to rent a (very nice!) farmhouse in Egg Harbor until the Racine house sells. Personally, I think it’s a great decision given the uncertainty of the market right now– they wouldn’t want to get stuck with two mortgages for the next two years. I’ve included a few pictures of the place they’re renting below. You can see more pictures at the appropriate Flickr set.

On Saturday we packed up and left the campground and stayed with my parents for a few days at the house they’re about to leave in Sturgeon Bay. We drove up the peninsula and took the ferry across to Washington Island, which was pretty kick-ass. The absolute greatest part of the trip to the island was when we had wine and appetizers at the Washington Hotel. If you are ever up on the island, I can’t recommend that place enough. Even better, they have a Coffee Room in Madison (right across Monona Bay!) that serves all the baked goods and coffees that you can get up there. On a bike ride around Lake Monona yesterday spacebee and I stopped there for a muffin and some coffee and it was a great place. Additionally, the owner of the Washington Hotel is a (co-?)owner of Death’s Door Spirits, which has a distillery here in Madison that uses Washington Island wheat to make various booze. They recently started making whisky and while up there I got 3 bottles of the un-aged first batch. It’s pretty good, come over and try it some time.

By the way, all of our camping photos can be found at my Flickr site.

One other weekend shout-out: Hot Tamales in Sturgeon Bay was some of the best Mexican food I’ve had since moving back to Wisconsin. They have great service, terrific food, and some hot hot hot salsa verde. I suggest the wet burrito or the hash brown sandwich (like an omelet, but made with goddamned delicious hash browns).

Last night I had a Brewers nervous breakdown. I yelled swear words at the TV for a minute and then turned it off in disgust. And that was BEFORE they allowed the 3 run triple. Barf.

Lastly, if you haven’t seen this YouTube of a house being washed into Lake Delton in Wisconsin Dells, it is goddamned wild.

Truck = Sold

Well, I don’t have a car anymore. I sold my Chevy Tahoe this morning, and I’m just now trying to figure out all the steps I need to go through next. It’s made more difficult due to the fact that it’s Saturday and so nothing is open. My short list is: CXL my insurance, CXL one of the parking spots in our apartment, sign up for Community Car, get the lien release for my auto loan payoff and send to the buyer, start walking everywhere… hmm.

I thought I’d prepared myself for a world without owning a car, but obviously it’s a little bit more disconcerting once the car is actually gone from your parking space. It’s not that I all of a sudden need to go somewhere, but simply that Stacy is at work and I don’t have a car. It’ll take a little getting used to, s’all. In no time, I’m sure I’ll be working at Flipper’s and getting my law degree.

All in all, I think this is for the best. Time will tell, however. Time will tell.

Penance

An attempt to rectify my biggest mistake.

A solution once it’s gone.

A man, a plan, a canal — Panama!

Sit on a potato pan, Otis

.

Oh My God

I found it. I thought I never would; hell I wasn’t even aware it was kept by someone. But oh god it is the find of the century. Presented just as it was written. Enjoy…

1. If you fall down, you buy a round of shots at the next bar.
1. you cannot be pushed
2. group consensus rules
3. one knee on ground (football rules)
2. Everyone has a name
1. cannot be related to whazz name
2. Wirkus = Marcus, Casperson = Cyliss, Zach = Tom Z., Tim = Ruben, Ross = Cletus, Ewaz = Smith
3. Max time limit: 1 hour, Min time: 1 drink, exception: if wait is long or no fun possible, move along
4. Magic Bar
1. Pick a bar win $5
1. Marcus = Monday’s
2. Tom Z. = PortaBella
3. Cletus = Bullfeathers
4. Ruben = The Pub
5. Smith = Cafe Montemarte
6. Cyliss = Red Shed

Exit 2:59

Notes: – $1 High Life

- $2 Brats and cheeseburgers

- Phi eagles are fucking us

- Cletus defeat Tom Z. (pool)

- Cyliss = sick

Exit 4:00

Notes: Buck Hunter II Tournament: Tom Z. over Cyliss, Smith over Marcus, Smith over Tom Z. for the title

- OJO = Great Hunter

- Very nice naked lady pics

- Giants win ($100) + 4 team [TIKI BARBER IS ON THE TAKE!]
- 2:55 bartender cajoled us into shots (Kamikazes)

Exit 4:50

Notes: – Hockey game: tie, goes into overtime RUBEN WINS IN OVERTIME!

- Cyliss: can’t breath through nostrils

- Things have taken a turn for the worse for silas

Exit 5:15

Notes:

- Seated by an Ewaz friend

- It was STRESSED that we will be here only for one drink.

- Mindy chose that next we will go to Vintage Bar & Grill

- Cletus is Jackass

- Fred Game was explained

- Pepper Fake Out Cyliss vs RossCletus

Enter 5:20

Exit:

Notes:

- Initial reaction: Frummy

- Tom Z. = insane

- Tom Z. breaks rules and orders vodka + tonic… with a lime and short black straw

- 6:05 = Tom Z is drunk

- Vintage = Vice City

- Cyliss = cig from mouth

- Pit Game = Tim Champion

- Cyliss win all… uses honor… what a champ!

Enter 6:25

- Marcus and Cletus are drunk

- Cyliss and Tom Z. begin moose and bear hunt

- hockey war also continues

- hockey war = Cletus [unintelligible] dept. store 2 wins

- Drunk Stories:

1. Picaresque Part 1
2. “Shooting Fatigue”
3. Rhonda call #2 took place

- Cyliss is the Moose/Bear Hunting Champion: Bar none.

- I’m writing, I’m drunk: Smith

- Lots of memories shared

- Picture taken in bell pantry

- Smith wins $5 bet

Enter 8:00pm

Exit:

Notes:

- Viewed picture of Marcus and Kenny

- Cletus left for dead

- MGD-LIGHT-IN-A-CAN!

- “I’m not doing this to hurt you cyliss.” – Marcus – S.S.

Bar #9: The Pub

Supplemental Dan P.

- Cast: Dan P. = Garrett, Dan P. Girlfriend, Melissa = Britney

- Vodka + Red Bull

Bar #10: Orpheum

CHAOS!

- No one wanted to go to Orpheum, we picked again: Best Western Hotel, NO! Then we picked, Tutto Pasta!

Bar #10: Tutto Pasta

Enter 9:35pm

Exit:

- It is a good chance that Smith will puke up yellow mustard stuff tomorrow

- Lynn (Fancy Face) meets us

- We ate dinner

- The drunkards consist of: Tom Z., Smith, Marcus, Cletus, Ruben, FancyFace not drunk yet.

- Women at next table (large breasts) told us to “turn it down”. Tom Z. told them to meet us at King Club.

Bar #11: King Club

Enter 10:50pm

Notes:

- $5 cover

- BADGERS WIN! BADGERS WIN! <- 31-28

- 2 belvy gimlets = $14

Bar #12: Paradise

Enter 11:20pm

- Marcus was nursed back to health by Tom Z. (Anchor Bank)

- PBR ME ASAP!

- FancyFace’s motto: “It’s Redonculous!”

- Wirkus is ready for the wedding speech!

- Jamal’s motto: “It’s very abrasive!”

Bar #13: Madison Maduro

Enter 11:55pm

- Tom Z.’s throat is killing him

- We hate the bartender

- David is ON A DATE! DO NOT BOTHER!

- Tom Z. drinks a Woodchuck Cider

- FancyFace’s special bar is Up North

- Guy said “no shooting” (bartender) (it was weird) (nuff said)

- They need to “as fancyface says” “regrout” their bar.

- Contact Adam Gehrman about regrouting. He knows how to do stuff like that.

- 12:37am: SMITH TAPS OUT!

Bar #14: Essen Haus

- Sean buy more pretzels… mmm… mmm… mustard. Quealy —- Go to school… damn it… that mustard is hot.  Wirkus is tearing off pretzels with crazy mustard.

- We are all wasted except Sean

- Harry Potter 2?? from Sean – cin… yes / M.P. Yes

- M.P. Company says go see H.P.2– no says kill myself

Bar #15: Up North

Enter God Only Knows

- “low-rise jeans are only made to show panties, especially g-strings” – fancyface

- Kritin Lomas + Cletus = LUV & WHAZZ

- Tom Z. = James Joyce (w/hat)

- Royce da 5′9″ just got signed to the Brewers… infield.

- Ruben = wasted. Threw cigarette on ground rather than give it to fancyface.

- overall a good night

- Marcus: “this meighborhood is not built for mirth”

It Was Fun While It Lasted

Five years ago I moved out to California with a trailer full of clothes, books, and a computer. The good people at Intuit gave me a signing bonus of $5,000 (before taxes) and I used it to buy a Golden Tee 99 arcade machine off eBay for ~$2000 (including shipping). I had many late nights in San Jose playing Whazz with the Madd Scientist (before he was even known as such). I dominated him so thoroughly and embarassingly that I named myself the Whazzmaster. It’s not like I made him call me that at home, I just fancied myself The Whazzmaster. When it came time to buy a domain name for my new website I naturally used it, because duh, it fucking rules. Fun was had.

Five years passed: I’ve moved it four times (three with Judd’s much-appreciated help) a total of 10 flights of stairs and it is a heavy fucker. I haven’t played it much lately but when Scientist was out here earlier this year we hit a few rounds. Fun times, fun times.

I just sold it for $500 plus a $20 tip for helping the guy bring it down to his van. The dream has died.

*sigh* … say lah vee. Feel free to reminisce about how whazz has affected your lives. I know I will tonight. Break out the whiskey.

The Shrine on our desk.

Can I still call myself whazzmaster? Or do I have to change the name of the website? So many questions.