Secretssssss

I re-updated the blogroll (on the right sidebar).  Wwhazz alerted me to the fact that he found it helpful to have prominent links to The People’s Champ, Arlo’s Bloggity Bloggity BlogBlog, and others.

Additionally, our old pal Big Al opened a new web site at http://blog.mlbsecrets.com that has up-to-date info on all the latest baseball rumors.  Example: yesterday I looked and found out that Ben “Fucking” Sheets worked out for ten (10!) interested teams the other day.  I assume that he will sign for a hojillion dollars somewhere and then NOT get injured, thereby completing his unusefulness to the Milwaukee Brewers.  It seems like it’s a good time to leave a Wisconsin professional sports team and then get fantastically good again.

Wwhazz’s birthday was this week, as was madddddddd’s, as was manders’.  As is alandovos.  Basically everyone I know: Happy Birthday.  Wwhazz and bellygirl went out to dinner and snapped a picture of the all-time best bar special ever. Ever.  I hope they don’t mind me reproducing it here:

The Best Bar Special Ever

Favre: Meteorite Target

Sadness

Last night pretty much sucked for any Packers fan. Blarrgle, blurgh, o-line. ^%$&%(&)(^&SACKS$%@!# This nightmare seems as if it will never end.

I drowned my sorrows in scotch: dry, tasty scotch, and then I played Borderlands until I was almost certain to be tormented by dreams of millions of white, green, blue, purple, and orange guns, shotguns, sniper rifles, and rocket launchers.  I’ve been loving the shit out of Borderlands lately, so if anyone out there has it for Sexbox 360 I want to play co-op with you.

I need to finish the shit out of Borderlands soon, though, because Dragon Age comes out tomorrow.  I preordered it on Steam (more on that in a second) so I should be able to play it immediately.  It’s your standard go-out-and-kill-the-marauding-hordes-with-a-sword type of thing.  Kind of excited; I really liked Neverwinter Nights back in the day and this is by the same dudes.  GRIMGAW, TO ME!

Anyways, Steam is pretty nice.  I gotta preface by saying that I’m a fan of online stores.  The iTunes Store, XBOX Live, these are things that allow me to near instantly acquire things I want without bullshit (also good since I don’t have a car to get to places like Best Buy).  Steam is a client you install on your PC that allows you to purchase new and old games, and to pre-order games that will be released in the future.  The games are delivered by download, and it’s kinda cool since it acts as a dashboard where you can launch all the games on your computer.  For old times’ sake, I bought Zuma Adventures and Bookworm Adventures.  Goddammit I love Bookworm, where you defeat your enemies with the power of words (the longer, the better).  One time I one-shotted an enemy by spelling the word “prosthetic” from a pool of 16 jumbled letters and felt like a god.  Wwhazz, it may be up your alley in a Bananagrams-ish way.

The Wildcat Formation

Today’s science lesson: the Wildcat Formation.  I’ll be shamelessly using Wikipedia as my primary source for this paper; it’s the baddest source I ever saw (like Michael Jackson’s Bad or George Thorogood’s Bad to the Bone, not bad bad.)

The Wildcat Formation is a “variation on the single-wing formation,” used in high school and college football for years but currently showing well in the NFL as well.  It is heralded most directly by a direct snap to the running back.

One reason that the formation is so effective is that

the rushing play is 11-on-11 (although different variations have the running back hand off or throw the football). In a standard football formation, when the quarterback stands watching, the offense operates 10-on-11 basis. The motion also presents the defense with an immediate threat to the outside that it must respect no matter what the offense decides to do with the football.

The Miami Dolphins have had considerable success using the Wildcat, and even teams that don’t run it themselves admit that they have to spend extra time preparing the defensive plan to counter.

Check this page of search results for more videos describing and showing the formation in the wild.

Now onto other news… this piece of goddamned fucking nonsense has officially replaced Daniel Hinkel (he bought me a drink at the Karaoke Kid; not a bad fellow) in the pantheon of Stupid Shit Written for a College Newspaper (2009 Edition).  So in the interest of being added to yet another Enemies List somewhere in a Langdon St. efficiency, I give you Motherfucking (I Am Not Kidding) Erin Kay Van Pay:

According to Dr. Michael Farken of California’s Santa Barbara Regional Psychiatric Hospital, “Peen-Face” is a temporary physical condition that comes to fruition upon photographing a subject without their knowledge. It has serious consequences for the reputation of the victim. Peen-Face occurs when the subject’s mouth is open so far wide and in such a manner that it appears that a “peen” has either just been inside the cavity or is about to penetrate it. As the number of pic and run incidents increases, the number of Peen-Face cases increase s proportionally. Victims are typically in the background of the photograph talking, eating or playing beer pong. Lewd comments almost always follow the posting of pictures that contain this ailment.

Texas A&M freshman Sam D., 18, was shocked to find that moments after his buddy tagged a picture of him at a house party in which he had moderate Peen-Face, seven comments from three friends were posted accusing Sam of homosexuality. “My friends now think I’m gay. I was on the phone when [the picture] was taken… with my girlfriend.” Adds Sam, “Peen-Face has ruined my relationship and my life.”

Daily Cardinal: if that is supposed to be an attempt at humor, then you have failed spectacularly.  You now have XPAC Heat. I hate writing GET-OFF-MY-LAWN opinions about college idiots, but when you write something so spectacularly stupid that it will probably used as a punchline in the next Funny/Stupid/Epic/Action Movie in the franchise (punctuated by someone’s dick getting exposed/hit/falling off or a fart that blow dries someone’s hair/smells/causes an explosion) it stimulates my Old Man Ganglia and I start shaking my fist at no one in particular.  Stop.  Just stop. Please.

Packers vee The Chicago Pisswizards

Spacebee and I are heading up to Lambeau in a few hours to take in a lovely evening of storied rivalry between the Green Bay Packers and those other guys.  We’ll be staying overnight in some guy’s RV that will be parked in my brother’s wife’s family’s driveway.  Should be a blast– I’ll update twitter with witty tweets LIVE from the game.

I got home safely from the California yesterday.  In a surprising twist, and for the first time in recorded history, my flight went form being delayed 1.5 hours to being scheduled for an on-time departure.  When I saw that I had to throw back the Jameson I’d ordered and hustle to the gate to make it in time for boarding.  I sat next to a helluva guy who was returning from Vegas with friends (if you’re ever in the Arlington Inn, give them all a holllarit and tell them ‘that guy from the plane’ sent you.)

I do apologize to everyone I didn’t see when I was out in the Yay Area (especially GMC), but I’ll be returning to dem parts roundabouts December 6th.  In the meantime, how about y’all try your hand at beating me in the 2009 Whazzmaster Survival Football Extravadanza.  You may win (note: you won’t win.)

May Sweeps

Quite a full weekend.  Friday night Spacebee’s parents dropped by on their way into town and we watched the first half of the Brewers/Cubs game.  We headed out to try and meet our nieghbors at The Brink but couldn’t find them, and headed back to the Depot just as the heavens opened up.

Saturday was a full day: farmer’s market in the morning, then we had breakfast at Marigold with Spacebee’s mom and grandmom for mom’s day.  Quick nap, then we hopped in the car to drive to Milwaukee to have dinner with my family for mom’s day as well.  We shot back to my brother’s house to watch the end of the Brewers/Cubs game two.

Sunday morning, we figured that since we had to drive back through Milwaukee to Madison anyways we might as well see if we could wrangle some tickets to the game.  A Long Wong’s Wagon ride and two Standing Room-only tickets later we were watching Rickie Weeks sky a homer to left-field from the right-field foul pole.  It was nice to have standing room tickets as we just ambled around the stadium the entire game and saw lots of cool stuff.  Bad thing: the built a canopy over the FSN desk in right-field so you can’t hang over the fence and jaw at Craig and Davey anymore.  Good thing: the new store is ok, but the renovated store in left field is pretty cool.

I bought a pink bat.  See?

We also stopped off at Eastgate Cinema on our way back into Madison to see Star Trek.  I’ll bottom-line it for you: great movie.  I’m no die-hard Trek fan but I watched it when I was younger and was uncertain how they would shoehorn the new dudes, villains, etc. into the existing framework.  They did a great job, and with the exception of the groan-inducing (to me, but drew cheers from others in the theater) shouting of catchphrases by the characters I had a great time.  Go see it, it’s good.

What’s Up, Dirty Dawgs?

Cah-razy weekend: Friday “80 Degreez” Night we walked over to the Stadium Bar and had fun onna bun with wwhazz, belly, and the ILL Connection.  Woke up a tad under the weather on Saturday morning for Cah-razylegs to a bit of thunderstormin’ and rainin’.  Instead of doing a 5K walk, we found ourselves back in the Stadium Bar for Bloody Marys and a gigantic plate of nachos.

Saturday afternoon: nap time and a DVD viewing of the Rescuers Down Under.

Saturday night was the 80s Party at Spacebee’s coworker’s house.  It was a really fun time: wwhazz and his coterie were there, they had High Life on tap, and we rolled craps in a dusty garage for almost the duration.  I think I ended up owing wwhazz some skrills, but I can’t remember how much at this time.  We alkso spent the early portion of the party eagerly following the Brewers/Astros game via an iPhone screen.  Once Timmer arrived with his Premium service we were also able to catch Uecker’s call of the game ending out.  Hurray, Brewers went 5-4 on the road!  Wwhazz left at the end of the night with Spyder’s right-hand man in tow.  I think he has the guy chained in his basement to extract info now.  Spacebee has pictures, and once they’re on her computer I’ll throw a few on Flickr.

Sunday was just your average Hungover Day: made homemade hashed brown potatoes and scrambled easies and watched the Brewers lay an egg in the Asrtos finale, but it was fun all around.  My friend Jay came over with Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection for the Xbox 360.  It was great: Golden Axe 1, 2, and 3, Streets of Rage 1, 2, and 3, Altered Beast, and tons more (Phantasy Star 2, 3, and 4!)  I’m definitely picking this game up: $30 for tons of nostalgia.  Fuck, it even has Ecco the Dolphin for you weirdos that like that stuff.

HOLLLARIT!

Fight Night 97

The initial excitement at posting on the new site wore off after a fortnight, and the Brewers lackluster play has lept me away from cheering them on, virtually.  But here we go again: UFC is at Brothers this weekend and we may get a run-in from Whitehouse. Nice. Scientist, you down to fly back for UFC on Saturday night?  SWAMPWATERS!  I’ll cook you home made pancakes, I promise.  Just don’t bring any models with you.

Meanwhile Spacebee and her coterie will be visiting all the most fabulous dress shops in Madison this weekend to find the perfect gown in which to be married to a doofus like myself.  She may be in for a lifetime of doffishness from her husband, but at least she’ll look like a million bucks on Day One.

Brewers kick off their series against the Mets tonight– aim your cheering thought waves at New York for maximum effectiveness.  I hope Willie Randolph has an illegal copy of the clubhouse key that he made that one time when the fire alarms went off and he had to break the emergency glass .  I further hope that somehow the same clubhouse lock made its way to the new stadium.  I further hope that he takes a dump in Carlos Beltran’s hat and covers the manager’ office in peanut butter.  That’ll show ‘em.

That Was Exciting

The Brewer game ended in exciting fashion yesterday, with Weeks sliding in under the tag to walk-off in style in front of thousands of baby bear fans.  As is expected, my text messages, Facebook, and Twitter blew up afterwards as the revelry began in earnest.

I don’t like what I’ve seen from Seth McClung so far this year, but he is a good pitcher and hopefully he’ll settle down in time.  We’re at .500 ball so far, folks, and taking the first of the season-long series from the cubs is a great start to division play.

Tonight’s game starts at 6:05p central.  Don’t get used to daily Brewers updates from me– start of the season + Cubs = lots of excitement.

Today is chores day and then bike trip.  Lazy spring dayz.

Yay Area Brewers

Well, the pitching was pretty much as bad as we all feared and we got the season-long apology started early by Suppan and Macha– Brewers fell to the San Francisco Giants 10-6 yesterday in the season opener.  The flip side is that we saw some really good hitting against a solid (if off-night) performance by Lincecum.  It suggests that if our pitchers can limit the home runs and triples they give up we’ve got a good chance to put some runs on the board.  Other items, in random order…

• I want Bill Hall to do good every time he’s up, and he mostly disappoints
• The FSN guy running the on-screen scoreboard was fucking drunk or crazy.  Several times when a team scored a run they lost points on the scoreboard.
• The Main Depot was not a prticularly exciting place to watch the game– pretty much me and the bartender were the only people really excited about the beginning of the season.
• Suppan would have gotten a gold star for his RBI/run scored had he not lost the game for us on the mound.
• Watching Hart and Braun strike out consecutively with runners in scoring position to end the inning was disheartening to say the least.

Wwhazz and I are retreating to a secret location to watc tonight’s game.  Let’s put Suppan behind us and see what Yovanni can do with the ball…

“Just baseball.”

You knew it would be an awesome Brewers training camp story that would get me out of my posting funk, and holy shit have we hit the grand salami of training camp stories.

So Ryan Braun has a new line of menswear that he’s pimping to everyone in the clubhouse.  He spent the off-season hiring a staff and designing $70-$100 t-shirts, which is just a fantastic mental picture, and he’s proud as punch to be such an astute businessman.

The left fielder arrived at camp Tuesday clad in one of his creations and was explaining its design, burgundy with gold foil and the image of a woman, when center fielder Mike Cameron walked in wearing the same shirt. Ten minutes later, shortstop J.J. Hardy joined the group and suddenly everyone was grateful they weren’t at a cocktail party.

I think the next few quotes exist best alone.

The shirts aren’t cheap — they run from $70-$100, complete with rhinestones on the higher end — but so far business is good.

…and…

The brand name is Remetee … a play on the word “remedy,” because Braun hopes that its bright colors and friendlier graphics offer an answer to the dark, drab designs popular until now.

Oh man, but the fucking NUMBER ONE REASON why this is the best Brewers story I’ve seen in a decade, which I think the author should get a Pulitzer for, are the last two paragraphs.

The chat with Braun prompted a stop at fellow star slugger Prince Fielder’s locker. Is Fielder involved in any ventures?

“Just baseball,” Fielder said.